Wednesday, November 5, 2014


Talking on Facebook chat about the fear of getting questioned by the surveyors who give national accreditation to Healthcare Organizations at our place of employment.

Me: They literally just walked out the doors as I was walking in from lunch.

Me: I didn't make eye contact in case they changed their minds and wanted to ask more questions.

Becky: Lucky for you. I thought I was golden going to lunch at 11 but as soon as I clocked back in a 12 they were on my floor. 

Me: Now we've got another three years before we have to try to avoid them again.

Me: I would like that job.

Mom: You would? Check into it

Me: To be able to strike fear into people's hearts with just the mere knowledge I'm in the building.

Mom: Luna, you are horrible!

Me: What?!?

Me: It's called power, mother.

Mom: Okay...

Chat Conversation End

Thursday, October 9, 2014

10 Book Challenge

There's this thing going around Facebook. It's call the 10 Book Challenge. It's where you list 10 books that you have read that have stuck with you in some way. They don't have to be the best or your favorite, they just have to have effected your life in a way that made them unforgettable. 

I think people have caught on to the fact that I like to read because I was nominated by three different people. 

There were SO many books that I have read that could have made this list, but the only let me have 10, so these are those most endearing. I know them for their life lessons, pure enjoyment, and found memories.  

1. To Kill A Mockingbird by Harper Lee
This is my all time favorite book. I love absolutely everything about it. “You never really understand a person until you consider things from his point of view... Until you climb inside of his skin and walk around in it.” This helped me to really see things from other's points of view.

2. A Tale of Two Cities by Charles Dickens
“It was the best of times, it was the worst of times…” I love the opening line to this book. The idea that life can be both good and bad at the same time and it’s not what should define you or your perspective. In the book this idea applies not only to times, but to people as well. It helped me to look at people I don’t care for a little differently and not always assume the worst of them.

3. The Night Circus by Erin Morgenstern
This book was absolute magic.

4. Where The Red Fern Grows by Wilson Rawls
I remember laying in my bed as a kid until two in the morning sobbing my eyes out. this was the most traumatic book of my childhood.

5. Harry Potter by J.K. Rowling
The phenomenon of my generation.

6. A Walk To Remember By Nicholas Sparks
The traumatic book of my teens. I compare this to today's Fault In Our Stars.

7. The Hiding Place by Corrie Ten Boom
This is the first biography I read about the Holocaust. Hard to believe those things are true.

8. The Westing Game by Ellen Raskin
This book introduced me to mystery and intrigue. It was the only book I have ever reread.

9. The Princess Bride by William Goldman
Full of adventure and romance and R.O.U.S’s. What more do you need?

10. The Christy Miller Series by Robin Jones Gunn
These books were not that great. Teenage romance type stuff. What make them such a memorable part of my life was that it was during my “rebellious stage”. I wasn't allowed to read them because my mother thought they would ruin my mind and give me a false ideas of love. But Instead of listening to her I snuck them home from the library and read them in the middle of the night so she wouldn't catch me. The most unbelievable thing is that years later she BOUGHT them for my sister to try and bribe her to read! This taught me that life is unfair and opinions can change.

What are some of the books that have stuck with you? 

Tuesday, October 7, 2014

When I Was Gone

How do I start...

I've been gone for a minute and now I'm back! Ta-da! 

I know I left rather abruptly with no explanation, but my life has been rather abrupt and without explanation so it seems fitting.

I kept telling myself, "Luns, tomorrow you won't have to do two jobs or work twelve hours or maybe you won't want to pass out as soon as you get home and you can have a real life. Tomorrow you'll be able to breath. Tomorrow you'll find time to write something." 

As you can tell that worked out real well. I was full of tomorrows. Well tomorrow is now today. And Today will never be tomorrow again before it turns into next week and before you know it will be Thursday...and I forgot where I was going with this metaphor...

Anyway, what I'm trying to say is, things are starting to look up. 

As far as this past month or two, I don't want to go into too many messy details, because these are real people with real problems who I really do care about, but there were things happening such as missing people, multiple medical leaves, car crashes, last minute schedule changes, overtime, psych wards, gossip, threats, lies, tears, frustrations, pink slips, demotions, grievances, and lawsuits, and TONS AND TONS AND TONS other people's paperwork*. 

And that's all just at my day job!

Sometimes it seems like I'm the only stable person at my job...and that's not saying too much.

But, like I said, things are starting to look up because I now have a coworker. She is here. She shows up everyday. I'm really not asking a lot.

*If I never had to see another piece of paper I would die a happy women

Friday, September 12, 2014

Here Nerds

Mona: Here nerds. Feast.
Buy Tickets Here

Becky: OMG!!! We ARE going!

Me: And you were just wondering where to wear your TARDIS dress, Becky!

Friday, September 5, 2014

Condescending Scold: We Have Pamphlets On That

Me: I might have just nicely told a patient to be proactive about her healthcare.

Mona: Weird.

Me: She was trying to get me to do stuff for her next month when all it would take is for her to call her doctor today and take two seconds.

lol That was such a mature way to scold someone.

Mona: Right?

Me: I really just wanted to say "Hell, no. You are a grown ass woman. Do it yourself."

Mona: I like the first one. It is more a condescending scold.

Me: And more professionally acceptable. I can't get fired for encouraging someone to be proactive about their healthcare. We have pamphlets on that.

Friday, August 29, 2014

Famdamly Facebook Convo: Lobsters

That's it. I've decided. My family is stupid. 

I get really excited about something super cool and I just want to share these super cool things with them because they are super cool and I get shut down. I'll be talking about it and they literally tell me to stop. That or they just stop listening. Rude right?

Here's an example from our Famdamly Facebook Convo today: 

Mom: Luna, what do you call female lobsters?

Me: A hen. Why?

Mom: You knew that?

Me: No.

Mom: You looked it up to seem smart

Me: I just looked it up to know.

Mom: Oh...

Me: Next time I'm asked I'll know

Mom: So now you know.

Me: Why did you want to know?

Mom: Just seen it and wanted to see if you knew, if not i knew you would like to know.

Me: Do you know what the male lobster is called?

Mom: No

Me: A cock

Mom: Oh no...we heard a song about that....(I did not ask about the song)

Mona: Lololol

Me: And a group of lobsters is called a pod, deck, or shield. And if you are ordering a group to eat it's called by a box

Mom: Overboard.

Me: Also based off my previous knowledge of lobsters...they used to be considered the rats of the sea and it even against the law to feed them to prisoners because it was so inhumane.

Mom: Overload.

Me: Don't you want to know how to tell the difference between a male and female?!? One has soft parts and the other has hard parts.

Mom: Get back to work!

Me: Fine I won't tell you that the largest recorded lobster was 44 lbs or that's it's illegal to use the boiling method in some places. Like Reggio Emilia, Italy.You could be fined over $600!

Did you know they're cannibals?!?! A young lobsters greatest predictor is their parents!

How are you guys not fascinated by this??!?!?

Mom: I just want to put them in a pot boil them, butter them, and eat them...that's it! 

Me: Were you not listening to a word I said! That could cost you hundreds of dollars! 

Mom: Only if i live in Italy! Hello! We are in Wisconsin

Me: I didn't say it was only in Italy.. I was just giving you an example.

Mom: It is not illegal

Me: Have you checked recently?

Mom: I will gladly go to jail, to eat a lobster by boiling.

Me: Next thing I know you'll have turn into a cannibal and you'll start eating your young.

A girl can't get anything thanks for trying to keep her mother out of jail! I don't know how you wouldn't want to know all this super cool stuff about lobsters! It's not nerdy at all.

Thursday, August 28, 2014

School Is For Fools

School. Sucks.

Who's idea was it to go back to school after 4 years and further my education? Whoever it was they were a complete idiot! (This is just the stress talking. Getting an education is really a good thing)

Anyways, schools the reason I've been a little MIA this last week or two or so...I don't even know the days anymore. All I've been doing is studying, writing papers, and taking tests. I've had no time for real life whatsoever.

I have hardly been in contact with humans and the one time I am I manage to make it embarrassing.

So, a thing about me...I'm a slob. It's just a fact. Right now my room is a complete and utter disaster. And during finals I have even less time and desire to clean. So it's worse than normal.

I take all of my tests online with a webcam supplied by my school. When it comes to test time I just shove all of my mess into piles away from view of the camera. No problem. Normally. Normally the video camera is attached to a faceless nameless person who I have no contact with whatsoever. I set up the camera, make sure it's connected, and go.

Well, apparently that's not happening this year. This year they upgraded their system. This year a face and name are talking to me through my webcam. This year a relatively attractive male named Greg is attached the webcam. This year they made me look this man in the eyes and give my camera a 360 degree turn around my room. Around my disaster of a room! I just did it. There was nothing I could do at that point. There was no getting around it. I didn't mention the mess. I acted like this was normal and perfectly acceptable to have 100 fast food cups and piles of dirty clothes thrown all over the room.When I finished there was a long pause and the he said "um, okay. I guess that's good." I could hear the embarrassment in his voice. I ignored it.

Let's just say for my last test this week I will be cleaning my room a bit.

After Labor Day I'll be back to my normal blogging...if I don't die from exams that is. If you don't hear from me again inform the police education killed me.          

Thursday, August 21, 2014

Employee Patients Are The Worst

Any job where you have to deal with people can be rough, but working in healthcare and having other healthcare workers as the patients is by far THE WORST THING EVER IN EXISTENCE!!! They are needy and pushy and rude and think themselves privileged beyond all means. Telling me everything I do wrong or every thing that could be better or fixed does not endear me to you. The phrase "I need this time because of my work schedule" does not hold anymore weight with me then any other person who steps up to my desk. Do you think I lie and tell you it's unavailable for kicks? No. I would rather not hear you huff and puff thank you very much.

Today this lady takes the cake...

Me: How can I help you today?

Employee Patient (EP): I need to make an appointment.

Me: Okay. Will that be for Physical Therapy or Orthotics?

EP: Orthotics.

Me: Okay. And what kind of Orthotics were you needing?

EP: I don't know. Dr. R. sent me.

Me: Well, were you needing Diabetic shoes, inserts for arch support, a face mask, a full body jacket...?

EP: I guess inserts.

Me: Okay then. My first opening is going to be next Thursday at either 2:00 or 2:30.

EP: Oh. I can't just walk in and be seen?

Me: No, I'm sorry we do that by appointment and my first opening is next Thursday at either 2:00 or 2:30.

EP: You don't have anything Monday or Tuesday?

Me: No, I'm sorry my first opening is next Thursday at either 2:00 or 2:30.

EP: Do you have something around noon?

Me: 2:00 or 2:30 is all I have.

EP: What about later?

Me: 2:00 or 2:30 is all I have available.

EP: I guess I'll just quit my job then.

Me: I can check a later date if you were looking for a specific time?

EP: I'll just take the 2:00.

Thursday, August 14, 2014

Does He Know You Too Well?

No, I'm not talking about your significant other...I'm talking about the Asian Bistro Delivery guy. And I'm also talking about Mona, not myself, of course. And the answer is yes, yes he does know us too well. 

This new Asian Bistro place opened up about a month ago and we all love it.  We may order delivery once or twice or more a week between us. Is that a sin? 

The first warning sign that we might be eating it a little bit to much was when I order it for dinner and the delivery guy said, "Oh, this is the second time he's been here today." Do you know how if feels to have those words sound when they are spoken directly to your face by the Asian Bistro Delivery Guy?!? He made me sound like a pig, that's what it feels like. It's extremely offensive is what it is! That's not how you want your delivery guy to make you feel! See if I order from the Asian Bistro again! See if I ever open this door again!! See if I ever give you a tip again, Mister Mouthy!!! Okay, okay, so maybe I gave him the same amount of tip I always give him. I didn't go completely crazy. He does control my main food source. What's that saying..."don't bit the hand that feeds you." So, I tipped the guy and swore up and down it wasn't me, but I'm still not sure he really believed me. 

Then yesterday Mona was at my parents house (we crash there all of Shark Week, because we are too cheap to pay for Discovery Channel) and she messages Becky and I on our Facebook Biffs chat:

Mona: "Oh you are at a different house today" Be proud, not ashamed, Mona!!! HE KNOW ME! My response "I'm not afraid, to eat Asian. Everyday of my life"

Becky: What? Are you talking to yourself again?

Mona: No. That is what the delivery guy said "different house today"

Becky: Ohhhh lol embarrassinggg...

Mona: No.

Me: At least you're unforgettable. Too bad it's not that first super cute one that remembers you. (I’m ashamed to admit I know exactly what delivery guy she is referring to)

Mona: That would be worse. I couldn't handle that.

Me: You’re right. You would probably stop ordering Asian takeout if that happened.

Becky: That’s impossible! You wouldn't give up Asian takeout!

Me: You underestimate her awkwardness with the opposite sex.

Mona: Thank you Luna.

So, you may say he knows us a little to well if he recognizes Mona outside of our home. Honestly, I think he sees Mona more than I see Mona. Oh, I wonder if she stared dating him we could get free Asian Bistro? I mean we'd at least get a discount, right? At the very least we'd get our two dollar delivery charge waved. 

Tuesday, August 12, 2014

My Homicidal Villain

Yesterday's post about crazy patients who could possibly murder me made me nostalgic over the first tales of My Homicidal Villain. Sure there have been other crazies and even bomb threats (did I tell you guys about the bomb threat? I can't remember?) since her, but she was my first. The first patient to strike fear into my heart and really make me reconsider my career choices.

If you've had the pleasure of following me for the last year (in which case I find you slightly crazy for sticking around after this story), you probably remember her well. She's hard to forget, at least for me anyways. If you haven't been reading my blog since the beginning of time (or last year, whatever way you want to look at it), you probably have no idea what I'm talking about. Well, let me tell you! This is a terrifying tale of love, betrayal, fear, attempted murder, and a poor receptionist learning never to leave her coffee cup unattended! Yes, my life is basically a sexy crime novel. If you don't believe me take a look for yourself!

The Tale of the Homicidal Villain:

Okay, so maybe not as sexy as sad, but it's still full of mystery and intrigue! Right?

Well, I haven't written anything about them since I hid under my desk like a coward. I don't know if this is from shear embarrassment or my unwilling acceptance of the truth that I'll never be done with them.

In case you were wondering the lovely couple did end up reconciled. That's right. He went back to her after she tried to murder him. Last I heard he moved back in and locked up his meds, so she couldn't get at them to commit premeditated murder by slowly poisoning him.

They still come into the clinic more than any reasonable person should be allowed. It's creepy. I still see them here at least once a week. They either wave at me from across the clinic, and by that I mean they yell and wave across an entire building until they get my attention and I wave back, or, if there're not in a hurry, which is about 50% of the time, they stop by for a hug. I've learned to just grit my teeth and get it over with. It's the fastest way to make them leave.

 So, yeah, this is still my hell. I've just learned to accept it. It's almost like Stockholm in I'll probably start liking it soon. Wait...I'm already using words like nostalgia to describe the start of this awkward and horrifying situation!!!! Nostalgia is associated with happy memories! What is wrong with me!??! This is not happy! This is HORRIBLE!! I'm going to throw up now. And remember what I am to them. Their puppet. An unwilling participant in their torture hugs!

Monday, August 11, 2014

I've Been Robbed!

It's Friday afternoon five minutes after a patient's (who I've had problems with before...see The Phone Call) scheduled appointment time when the phone rings. I answer it. 

The Late Patient (in a loud hysterical voice): (in background) What the @#$%! Shut up! Get the @#$% up!

Me: Um...hello?

Patient (still hysterical): (to me) I'VE BEEN ROBBED!! (to someone else) I don't @#$%^& care!

Me: Oookkaaayyyyy?


Me: Um...yes? So, I'll cancel your appointment? (patient hangs up the phone) Okay then... 

Twenty minutes later the phone rings again.

Me: Hello [Medical Clinic Name] this is Luna. How may I help you? 

Patient (in a very serious and threatening voice): I want you to understand that I was robbed. That is why I did not come in. I was robbed. (this is her trying not to get fired from our practice) Someone stole my disk. My last disk. I was robbed. That's why I couldn't come in. I want to make another appointment. Can I make another appointment? 

Me: (per our policy she was done two canceled visits ago. We've given her all the extra chances we can) I'm sorry I cannot make that appointment. You will have to talk to the Physical Therapist.

Patient: I WAS ROBBED!!!

Me: I understand you were robbed, but you still have to talk to the Physical Therapist before I can schedule anymore appointments. Can I have her give you a call back when she is able?

Patient: Fine! (The phone line goes dead)

You know, the thing about this conversation that bugs me the most is not that she missed her appointment, or that she called to cancel after the fact, or even that she was yelling at me, or swearing at her teenage daughter in the background, it't that I don't know what's on that stupid disk and why it's SO important!!!

Part of me really, really wanted to ask her, but I felt like it would have been highly inappropriate. That and the fact that I think she's crazy enough to say "I'd tell you, but then I'd have to kill you," and really mean it. 

Example: I had a voice-mail waiting when I got into work this morning. On the message there was no talking, no breathing, just someone playing For Elise on the piano. It wasn't the normal butt dial type phone call I get. You know the the rustling sounds of being in a pocket or a purse or the realization that they have the phone on. Nothing. It was crisp and clear. Just the piano. And it wasn't like "please hold" type piano music. It was someone playing. I know because it was poorly played. The sound blunt and choppy and a there were a few mistakes. After about a minute the phone just disconnects. The piano never stopping. Again, it was out of the ordinary. Normally the message goes on until the space on the voice-mail ends. This time someone intentionally hung up the phone. Without a change in sound. Quiet except for the piano. It was super creepy. 

I ran the caller ID number though our system was her. She called and left me this message. Intentionally. All because I wouldn't reschedule her appointment! 

Okay, sure, I could be over reacting a little bit. Sure it could have just been a butt dial. But I thought it was weird before I knew it was her. It being this person. This lady makes it worse. It literally gave me the chills!

I think I might need to quit my job. 

Tuesday, August 5, 2014

Don't Quote That!

I've decided to stop talking to Mona.

Why you may ask? Facebook. She has decided to start quoting everything I say on Facebook!!! Okay, so maybe she's only done it twice, but still! Both quotes were taken completely out of context and make me sound insane!!

The First Facebook Quote:

"Speaking of surrogates...Squid Vaginas. 
Not a lot is known about them"

First of all, I was misquoted! The "..." part of the conversation, which Mona so conventionally claims she didn't hear, I said "I read an article today about". Go, on. Go back and reread the sentence replacing the missing words. See? It sounds way less weird. Okay, so maybe it's still a little weird that I'm reading articles about squid vaginas in the first place and talking about them, but not as weird as Mona made it out to be. Right? [If you're so inclined here's the article in question: Squid Lady Parts]

Second, she fails to mention the reason we were "speaking of surrogates" to begin with. Mona has been trying to pimp out my vagina and uterus for the last several months so we can make $20,000 to help us open our coffee shop. Try and tell me that's not worse! That's WAY worse than me talking about squid vaginas!

The Second Facebook Quote:

"I want to go on a dating website and experiment with men"

COMPLETELY TAKEN OUT OF CONTEXT!!! She makes me sound like a whore! Did I actually say that out loud? Well, yes. Those words did come out of my mouth, but in my defense, it's not what it sounds like! I swear!

It went down something like this:

Me: I'm thinking about joining a dating website. (A highly unusual thing to come out of my mouth) 

Mona: What?!? (she said shocked) Why? (she asked suspiciously) 

Mona: No, you can not join a dating website to experiment with men. (creepy...she knows me too well) 

A few hours later at dinner with Dad...

Mona: Tell him what you told me earlier.

About what?

You know.

Me: Oh...I told Mona I want to go on a dating website and experiment with men. (wait, I don't think that didn't come out right?) 

What?!?! (hysterical laughing) I'm quoting that on Facebook!

Me: Not again!

Let me just clarify what I meant by "experiment". I meant it as more of a social experiment type thing. Like is love really blind? Will they like me more if I have certain pictures or bios? What if I'm more open or more mysterious? How does perception change thinking? Those types of things. Not anything strange. Okay, it's still weird. I was just thinking about it.I won't actually do it.

I honestly think Mona is lashing out and posting these things out of spite. You conduct one or two social experiments on your sister and you'd think it was the end of the world! I gave her fair warning! It's not my fault she felt manipulated! But that's a story for day.

Like I said at the beginning. I'm done talking to Mona. That will solve all of my problems! 

Friday, August 1, 2014

Year 1: How Blogging Has Made Me Less Confident


We've made it people! We've beat the odds, whatever those may be, and we survived a whole year!

I feel a little bit proud of myself, okay I feel a lot proud of myself, for making it this far! I normally get distracted by shinny new objects, like a raccoon, and don't stick to a hobby very long. Okay, so maybe a raccoon is not the most flattering thing to compare myself to in this situation, but it's better than comparing myself to a pack rat! Although, now that I think about it, a pack rack might be a better comparison when it comes to my shiny new hobbies. I'm kind of what you might call...umm...a hobby collector? What that means is I have a million and one different hobbies and projects that I'm currently working on. Sadly most of said hobbies and projects lay unfinished in the path of my forgotten memories. And by that I mean I forget about them and leave them in an ever growing path around my apartment. I have hobby debris thrown in my bedroom, the living room, basement, and I even have some junk stuck out in my car. It's terrible. Thankfully blogging is a little less messy than some of my other eccentric hobbies (like right now I'm trying to become an expert knot tyer and a marine biologist. I have rope and fish books all over the place) and I haven't abandoned blogging yet, so it's not in that pile of forgotten memories or whatever mumbo jumo I spun a few sentences ago

Oh boy! That paragraph kind of got away from me... You would think after blogging for a whole year I'd be much better at this! Now, where was I going with this post? Oh, yes!  One year of blogging.

When I started this blog, I wasn't really sure what I was getting myself into. I was bored and had nothing better to do, so I thought "why not?" I had recently started following few blogs for the first time (I know I'm a little behind the times, but not that much, blogging only started around the 1990s) and it was all so new and exciting for me. I didn't have any real goals or plans as far as my blog went. I kinda dove in head first. It has been a true "uncharted journey" (as I so eloquently put in my About Me page. The things I come up with...). 

For me, and probably you as well, I've found this blog to be a hodgepodge mess of funny and slightly embarrassing stories from my life and travels, a emotional roller coaster full of my joys and trials, unusually placed poems and fiction from my vast imagination, a strange compilation of lists of things I like and dislike, and a little bit of my crazy thrown in (okay, so maybe a lot of my crazy thrown in). Let's just say you can come here everyday and never really know what you're going to find.

As far as the journey goes I've learned A LOT about myself though blogging. More then I could ever have anticipated. One thing I said to myself when I started this blog was that I'd always be honest. With you and with myself. Being honest with you is the easy part. I can tell you guys absolutely anything! You are best listeners! Being honest with myself on the other hand is hard. It's easy to brush off thoughts and emotions without giving them a second thought, especially the darker scarier ones. The ones about things that go bump in the night.  Those are the hard truths to face. Truths about myself I didn't know existed until I forced myself to write them down. Our words have power. Words make things real. Blogging had made me see myself in a different light. I'm darker and more messed up then I realized and that slightly terrifies me. I don't really know myself as well as I thought I did. What other things could I be hiding from myself? Maybe I'm not as smart and funny as I think? Maybe I'm not as nice as I think? Maybe everybody hates me? I guess you could say blogging has made me question myself. I'm less confident about myself as a person than I was a year ago. I've found that I have fears and flaws just like everyone else. I am human! Who knew?!? Not me. I like to think that I'm above humanly flaws and failures (would this be considered stuck up?). I know Mona will be shocked as I am. She thinks I'm perfect!

So while I may find myself less confident than I was a year ago, I am happier. Now I know you may be doubting this with my post about depression the other day, but it's true. Forcing myself to write about my depression, admitting that it was real, freed me from the lies I was telling myself. I had to face my fears. And for that I'm lighter. Happier. I may know more about flaws and failures, but I'm okay with that. I'm glad for it. I can be less confident in myself and happier knowing more about myself at the same time. If that makes any sense at all. Maybe blogging has really made me go crazy and I just haven't realized it yet!

Before I let you go, there is one more thing I discovered about myself through blogging this year! I am a lot weirder than I ever thought I was. Some of the things I say? Don't tell me you haven't noticed? Oh well. I guess I'll embrace that too.

So, thank you for sticking around and joining me on this crazy journey of my self discovery. With this new year of blogging afoot, I hope to set off proudly as a less confident, happier, weirder, and just as crazy as always blogger! Cheers to years to come!

Thursday, July 31, 2014

7 Reasons Why I Hate

You know what I'm talking about...those stupid Facebook Ads! 

1. They are everywhere. EVERYWHERE! Almost every other post on my news feed is from about things from 14 Child Actors Who Disappeared From Film to 10 Foods You Used To Love That Are No Longer Made. Every. Where.

2. They are about the dumbest stuff. 7 Celebrities Who Got Pregnant In Their Teens isn't exactly the most educational piece of literature ever written.

3. Nobody really wants the answers. Who really wants to know what 5 Overhyped TV Shows We Expected To Be Better...oh, I really was expecting Super Fun Night to be better..sorry where was I? Yeah. Nobody wants to know that.

4. You have to do a thousand and one clicks just to get through all the answers. They track clicks at work people. If you get in trouble do you really want to tell your boss it's because you needed to know the 16 Celebrities You Probably Didn't Know Were Childhood Friends.  I don't think so.

5. They are actually REALLY boring. They are never as scandalous as advertised. We all know Demi Moore was one of the 10 Woman Who Married Younger Men! Come on! You finish and realize that was a complete waste of time.

6. They are never ending. As soon as you finish one they move right on to the next topic. Sometimes it takes a few slides for you to realize we've moved on. And you only figure it out because you are pretty sure Morgan Freeman is NOT one of the 6 Hollywood Good Girls Who Aren't Actually All That know Morgan Freeman is really as sweet as he seems. But by the time you figure out where you are you need to finish and find out who the 5 Best Male Voices In The Movie Industry are. You am invested.

7. THEY GET ME EVERY STUPID TIME!!! I can't not click them. It's humanly impossible. I try to scroll past it, but something in my head NEEDS to know the 14 Good Girls Who Went Bad On Screen.

I think I need an intervention...somebody help me please!

Monday, July 28, 2014

Free Pizza

My roommates and I were all hanging out at the apartment on Saturday night, unusual for all five of us girls (did I mention we got a fifth roommate last week?) to be home at the same time, so we decided to do dinner together. None of us really wanted to cook, so takeout it was (okay, so if I'm being honest maybe cooking was never a real was always going to be takeout). After some whining and complaining and more whining (mostly from Mona) we decided on pizza. We went with Little Caesars Hot-N-Ready $5 pizzas because we were starving and broke and they were fast and cheap.

We called ahead, to make sure we didn't have to wait any longer than necessary (because we were that hungry) and Candy, Mona and I ran to pick it up.

All  Of Our Free Pizza
When we got there the guy puts the stack of pizzas and breadsticks on the counter and says,


What?!? All the pizza and breadsticks FO FREE?!? Are you for real? This is better than winning the lottery!

Apparently they were too short staffed to run the place on a busy Saturday night by themselves, so they were giving us the last of everything they had and they were closing up shop for the night.

They literally locked the doors behind us.

As we were loading the all the pizza in the car there were two people who came up and tried to get in the locked building. When they couldn't get in they turned and gave us dirty looks, so we avoided eye contact and drove away quickly. It kinda looked like we robbed the place.

Best day ever.

Friday, July 25, 2014

All Powerful Unicorn

Mona and I got into a heated argument last night.

She started the conversation by saying that if she had a super power it would be being a unicorn.

I stared at her for a moment, contemplating the application of this and said with a nod "okay, sure".

Mona continued with, "I'm still trying to decide if I would be able to switch between a human body and a unicorn body or if I would permanently have a unicorn body."

It's weird to think of your sister in a permanent unicorn body. "I think you might want to have a human body sometimes"

"What if I did have and half?"

"Which half?" I questioned.

"Well it would just be weird to have the bottom half of a unicorn. Everyone would just think I was a horse."

"And you don't think having the legs of a human and the head of a unicorn would look weird?"

"What if I had a pink tale?", she countered

"Then then might just think you are a My Little Pony"

She took great offence to that comment, "I guess I'll just have to be permanently a unicorn. But I'll be all powerful, so I could shape-shift into a human if I wanted..."

"Wait," I stopped her, "You can't permanently be a unicorn and shape-shift into a human."

"Yes I can," she answered, "I'm an All Powerful Unicorn I can do anything! I could shape-shift into a hamster if I wanted."

"But then you would not permanently be a unicorn! You would be unicorn who could switch between the two, but you would not permanently be a unicorn."

"No," she persisted, "I'm an All Powerful Unicorn. I can do anything."

"I'm going to bed," I huffed, "You are not seeing the flaw in your logic."

"Good. Go to bed. Sleep on it and then maybe you'll understand the flaw in your logic."

We are still going back and worth on it this morning and asking others to weigh in. So far everyone has sided with me and my mother thinks we live in a crazy fantasy world.

What are your thoughts on the subject? Can she be both a permanent unicorn and shape-shift into a human? Or does it have to be one way or the other? 

Thursday, July 24, 2014

Receptionist or Machine

Some people are just crazy. I'm convinced of it. (myself being the standard for normal of course) 

This lady called me to cancel her appointment for today. She is suppose to be seeing us for the next six weeks and we normally set up all the appointments at once, but when she originally went to set up the appointments she didn't know her schedule, so she just set up one.

Since we only had the one scheduled when she asked to cancel I asked if she would like to reschedule since we don't have anymore set up at this time and she FLIPPED OUT!


I taken aback thinking what just happened. I literally have this same conversation 100 times a day, what could have gone so wrong this time? She must have misunderstood something I said. I wasn't telling her she couldn't come back. I took a breath and tried to remedy the misunderstanding, "no, no, I'm not saying that you can't come back, it's just that today was the only scheduled appointment we have for you. We just need to reschedule it for a different time."


"Um, I know we just need to schedule the appointments..."


Call her back?!?! Am I a receptionist or an answering machine? Why in the world would I have to call her back?!? I'm on the phone with her right now!

I this point I realized I was not dealing with a rational person. This one was straight up crazy! I'd have to use different tactics.

Dropping my "understanding nice girl" voice I went into my "stop being crazy and listen to me because THIS IS WHAT WE ARE DOING" voice. It comes off as bossy and slightly irritated and demands that no nonsense be allowed. I don't like using this voice with patients, but sometimes it's the only way you can deal with crazy. You've gotta do what you gotta do.

We went back and forth for a few more rounds until she finally realized I was going to make her an appointment...right now.

Success! Or so I thought...

When I started to offer her different dates and times to schedule the FIRST of the six weeks worth of appointments she couldn't make up her mind to save her life! She had different excuses and complaints and none of it made any sense, but, to be honest, at this point I'd given up trying to listen or understand her.

After another several painstaking minutes I was finally able strong arm her into making one appointment. ONE! That's it. That's all I could handle. I couldn't make it through six weeks of this! I let her know we would schedule the rest when she came in. She huffed and puffed a little, but agreed.

At the end of the conversation I am suppose to ask if there is anything else I can help her with, it's part of my job. I am a good employee, so I regrettably asked. She went on a rant about a doctor, that I have nothing to do with, who doesn't even work in my building, and her not getting her her pain medication from him. I am so thankful we don't have to deal with pain medication in physical therapy. (A lot of pain med patients are crazy about their pain meds). I kept trying to interrupt this lady to let her I have absolutely no pull when it comes to pain meds, but it's  probably five minutes before she takes a breath.

When I finally found my moment to interject I quickly said, "Sorry, you will have to talk to them about it. We will see you at your appointment. Have a great day. Goodbye."

And I hang up the phone quickly...before she could talk again.

Afterwards I vaguely remembered having a conversation with my cowered the other day. After she got off the phone with a patient she said, "that lady was so crazy I could only make one appointment for her!"

I turned to her and asked what  the name of that patient was and, sure enough, it was the same lady.

So it's not just me, this lady is crazy! 

Tuesday, July 22, 2014

Biffs And The Werepups

After yesterday's post, I think I'm feeling a lot better. I've laughed a lot more then I have in the last few weeks. One of the things I laughed at the most was this conversation on BIFFS:

Mona can we get one of these?
(I HIGHLY recommend looking at this site. It's awesome!) 

Mona: I honestly don't know if those are cute or hideous lol

That makes me uncomfortable

But I think I also like them

But I don't really know

Me: So is that a yes?

Becky: I would have one lol

Mona: I...think... so

It might make me cry though

I have that strange sensation when I look at it. Like a "oh that's cute" then I cry

Becky: lol cry from the cuteness?

Mona: No

Becky: Do they speak?

Me: Becky! Do they speak?! They are babies! Of course they don't speak yet!

Becky: I don't know how fast werewolf puppies mature!

Me: Well there is a 10 month incubation period right now

and $650

Becky: Geesh

Me: You can get tiny ones for cheaper

But it's still a ten month wait

Becky: I would want a tiny one

Actually idk lol

Me: The tiny one fits in your and the big one sit in the crook of your arm

Becky: In my what??

Me: Don't tell me you've never heard "crook of your arm" before

Bend in your arm?

Mona: Lololol

Me: The crook of your arm or leg is the soft inside part where you bend your elbow or knee.

Becky: Nooo you said the tiny one fits in your...and didn't say anything after lol

Me: oh.

Sorry about that


The tiny one fits in your hand...

Becky: Much better lol

Me: lol

Mona: Wakward

Me: You thought the exact same thing Mona LaBlue!

Mona: You don’t know my life!

{I am secretly hoping Mona orders me one now for my birthday next year.}

Monday, July 21, 2014


There is so much I want to say. All the thoughts that have been running through my mind. But staring at this screen makes my mind go blank...

But I want to tell you, so I'm going to try.

I've been severely depressed. I've been locked away in my room for the last three days. It started off as anger over something stupid, then it turned to anger at the world, but then it quickly turned to scared, alone, and sobbing.

At one point I even looked at my wrists and thought "what if"...

...The strangest thing just happened. Just as I wrote that last line a lady walked up to my desk with tears in her eyes. I asked if I could help her and she said "No. My dog just passed away in the middle of the night. We've had him for 16 years. It just makes you think how important life is. Even with all it's trials and tribulations. Life is important." and then she turned and walked away.

What the heck was that! Here I am feeling all dark and depressed and trying to sort out my feelings and this shit happens?!?!

I was eventually going to write about life being important, but I think it would have just been me trying to convince myself and here this lady comes and throws it in my face!

Life is weird, but I'm starting to think it's a good kind of weird again.

Friday, July 18, 2014

Sharing a Bathroom

My alarm clock blares at 5:50 telling me it's time to get up and start my day. I give the clock a dirty look, because I hate waking up, and roll out of bed to go take my shower.

I go out to the hallway only to find the bathroom door's occupied. I take a shower at the same time every day this is usually not a problem. So I stop and stare at it for a minute trying to figure out what I should do. I'm not fully conscious in the morning, so it takes awhile for my brain to figure things out. That's why I try to do the same things EVERY morning, so I don't have to think about getting ready, it's a reflex.

I say to myself...okay, it's okay. I have plenty of time. I'll just wait until she's done.

And by waiting I mean sleeping. I go back to bed and set my alarm for another fifteen minutes. I never really fall back asleep because I'm paranoid I'll miss my alarm and be late for work, so I just lay there with my eyes closed, until my alarm goes off again.

I go out to the hallway and...the bathroom is still occupied.

I look at the time and my heart beats a little faster. Fifteen minutes until I HAVE to be out the door. My toothbrush is in there. I can't go to work without brushing my teeth.

Should I knock on the door? I hate when people knock on the door when I'm in the bathroom, but I need at least brush my teeth. Should I knock on the door? No. It's weird. I just can't do it.

Twenty-five years and I never realized how much of a problem I had with knocking on a bathroom door when someone is in there until now!

I decided I'm going to have to forgo showering, so I get dressed and try to do something with my hair.

By the time I'm about to leave, I hear the bathroom door open. I run out and see the hallway empty and the bathroom open!

Thank goodness I can brush my teeth!!

I brush quickly, throw on some deodorant, try not to be too disgusted with state of my hair and then run to leave for work so I'm not late.


This has happened twice this week!

The first time I thought it was one time deal, so I didn't say anything, but twice in one week?!? It's stressing me out! Something needs to be done. One of these days they are going to catch me on a day I can absolutely NOT go without a shower and then I'll be in trouble.

I know I need to say something, but I don't want to come off as a biatch who has to take her shower at 5:50 or else. You know what I mean?

So, I carefully drafted this message and sent it to my roommates:

Shower Schedule
Hey guys I haven't run into this before, but I normally take my shower around 5:50 during the week (I leave for work around 6:35). I don't mind taking it at a different time, but I need to know otherwise I can't get ready in the morning. If you need to take a shower around then just let me know the night before so we can coordinate. :)

I think it communicates I NEED to take my shower at 5:50, but in a "I'm cool and laid back" kinda way and not in a "I'm demanding bitchy" way. I think the smiley face at the end really seals the deal. Right? Well, either way it fixes the problem!  

(P.S. I really am okay with switching shower times, I just have to do the same time every day or I won't be able to morning) 

Thursday, July 17, 2014

Gets My Goat

Mona: You doin okay?

Me: Me? Why?

Mona: Yeas. Idk you have seemed weird.

Me: How so?

Idkkkkkkkkkk. Just checking.

Me: I haven't really seen you at all. There is one thing that I've been really disturbed by...

Mona: Oh boy.

Me: Bee (a friend who I don’t really hang out with) almost barged into my room the other day! 

Mona: Lol! Oh no! I was wondering how you got down stairs. I didn't know they were coming over.

Me: Yeah. I was in my room cuz all of Candy’s people were there and and all of a sudden there's a knock on my bedroom door and someone asking if I'm decent. I jump up real quick and open the door and there is Bee. I didn't like it one bit.

Mona: I can't imagine you would lol do you feel unsafe now?

Me: Yes. I need a padlock.

And an invisible cloak to go over the door!

Me: Oh! that would be nice. Kinda like a secret room that no one knows is there. Or I could get one of those “KEEP OUT DANGER” signs you see on all the teenagers' doors in the movies.

This is just one of those things that really gets my goat! I haven't needed a sign before normally people just know not to bother me when I'm in my room. It's my place to be alone. My asylum. 

You don't want to mess with that. I'm serious. Don't mess with that. 

I know it's stupid and trivial and not really that big of a deal and I try really really hard not to let it bother me, but look it's days later and I'm still talking about it! It obviously bothers me a lot more than I'd like. 

I guess I'll just have to go with the invisibility cloak.

Wednesday, July 16, 2014

Do You Have What It Takes To Be A Pimp?

Apparently I would make an excellent pimp.

My roommates and I were sitting around the table making Wiskey and Brandy Old Fashioneds to see if we liked them, when all of sudden the topic of pole dancing and pimps came up. (I don't even remember how or why, so don't ask me) We are all laughing and joking when suddenly C stops the conversation "WAIT!" and points at me with a straight face and very seriously says, "Luna, you would make a great pimp! You are so organized!" The room went real quiet for a minute as we stared at her and then we burst out laughing as C tried desperately to argue the seriousness of her point.

Then, a few days later we are sitting in the living room when Mona comes running down the stairs. "C?! What is this video on your Snapchat Story!?!?"

"What video?" C asks.

Mona holds out her phone and shows us all the video. It's C sitting with her friends having a very serious conversation about how I would make an excellent pimp because I'm so organized. She just can't stop talking about me being a pimp.

First of all, thank you. As I look around at my mess I seriously doubt my organization skills, but I must be doing something right to trick you into believing this.

Second, I didn't realize organization was a major pimp requirement, but now that you say it it makes sense.

Third, I think you talking about me being a great pimp over and over implies that you are asking me to be your pimp. Are you in some kind of trouble? Do you need help? 

Fourth, Mom, I think I might be changing my life plan.

Tuesday, July 15, 2014

Who Am I?

A new friend of ours, Pearl, was talking to Mona the other day about all of our friends and her first impressions of them. Apparently Pearl can't figure me out, she thinks she has me pegged and then I throw her off. The ultimate mystery woman, or so I like to think. Mona tried her best to explain me in words, but she couldn't, so she ended up telling her I'm like "an alien", I'm just a little different than the rest of human kind.

I find this both confusing and fascinating.

It's a strange concept, people knowing who we really are. I mean most of the time I don't really know me. I surprise and confuse myself on a daily bases. So if I can't do it how are other people suppose to figure me out?

And it's different here, in the blogging world, because a lot of you only know me for my brain. You only know the thoughts and feelings and stories I choose to share with you. This part is only one side of me. So, for those who don't know me, let me tell you right now...I'm way more awkward in person.

I can't tell you exactly what I'm like and how people perceive me because I'm on the inside looking out, butI think I'm way different in my head than I come across to most people.

In my head I'm smart and funny and confidant. An independent logical and free thinker. I am slightly socially awkward. I'm focused and disorganized. I'm adventurous and easy going and sarcastic. I'm an absentminded daydreamer with a great imagination. I'm a realist who knows that people can be really creepy and evil and yet know there is still hope for humanity and I always expect the best out of people. I both like and dislike everyone simultaneously. I don't were my emotions on my sleeve and most of the time they confuse the hell out of me, so I pretend they aren't there and my brain convinces me this is emotionally healthy.

Growing up my mother always told me I was like a princess (I don't actually remember her using the word "princess", but I'm going with it) trapped in a tower with walls that I built and than put a moat around. She was constantly trying to get me to "knock down my walls".

In fact, when I was younger, the only way I would communicate with my mom about feelings and stuff (before texting and Facebook) was through a journal we kept and passed back and forth to each other. Oh gosh. I am weird. Let's phrase this as..I'm a much better writer than I am a talker. Not weird at all! Right?

Anyways, I see myself as all of these things, but I'm almost a hundred percent certain that is not how most people see me. I'm a relatively quiet person. A lot of people mistake that for shy, or stuck up, or serious, which maybe I am more than I think. Who really knows? I'm not even sure if people really like me or not.

And for those who don't know me in person, don't let my written words fool you. You could still hate me in real life.

Monday, July 7, 2014

This Might Be My Introvert Speaking

Sometimes I just don't like people. 

It's not that they've done anything utterly terrible. They haven't made me cry or made me mad. They haven't necessarily done something stupid. It isn't one person in particular.

People are just overwhelming. As a whole. 

This might be my introvert speaking but sometimes I like to lock myself in my bedroom, close my room-darkening drapes, and pretend the rest of the world doesn't exist.

It's my happy place.

This sounds bad because people generally don't like to hear that you need a break from people. They often take it as a personal offence, but it's not at all! I like you just fine. I just need a break from the sheer amount of Homo Sapiens that I encounter on a daily bases.

Everyone is so complex and different and interesting that sometimes it's utterly devastating.

I promise if you let me be I'll be happier and more well-disposed.

Recharged and ready to go.

 I'll be ready to face the world...tomorrow.

Thursday, July 3, 2014

Stuff Got Weird

Last night my friends and I passed around a pair of reading glasses and pretended to be grandmothers telling ‘back in the day’ stories. Each of our seemingly different stories intertwined into a tangled web of craziness. Stuff got weird real quick.

We had unknown pregnancies, white on white racism, the KKK who were also moonshiners, a gender neutral Aunt Petri who may have been two different people or schizophrenic, a Russian assassin couple who pretended to be cougars to steal a dog, and sexually confused Lewis and Clark and Sacagawea…just to name a few.

Some roll play with Dungeons & Dragons, but this is how we roll. 

Also we did this for over two hours and took it way too seriously. We really committed to our roles (minus the part where we were laughing hysterically).

Wednesday, July 2, 2014

Now I Know I'm Not Pregnant

It's been about 6-10 months since I've had my last period. I was slightly afraid of ending up on the show I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant, but unless it was some sort of immaculate conception it wasn't really that huge of a concern for me.

Other people have been concerned, so I decided to let them know the terrible news (terrible because what woman really wants her period)

Me: I know why I've been so cranky these last few days. Doris finally decided to show up! (If you don't know what Doris is, read this post
Mona: Luna! ! I have been wondering! Can she actually stay away for longer?

Me: Are you saying I've been cranky these last few days!?

Mona: I am saying... YES. Yes. yessssss. yes you have

Me: I feel like I've hardly talked to you!

because any time I try you shut me down with a hurtful comment

Me: What kinds of hurtful comments? I can't even remember talking to you at all the last two days. I want to know what I said to hurt your feelings

Mona: It was just short comments that hurt my feelings

Becky: Its a trap don't talk about it while Doris is still here Mona

Mona: That is true Becky…
...LUNA, WhAaaaaaaT? You have Doris? I would have never known! You have been so sweeeeeet!

Becky: Gooood Mona gooood

Me: You better tell me what I said right now.

Becky: Yep that's Doris alright.

Mona: I don't remember. I just remember saying to my self  "ew, don't talk to her" and I have told you...."Oh, maybe you should go to bed"

Me: Well those are very hurtful things to think and say about me.

Mona: You just playinn

Me: I am drowning in my tears

Mona obviously cares nothing for my emotional well being. On top of loss of my slight hope of being pregnant, she is also trying to avoid me. 

Friday, June 27, 2014

Now Is Not The Time!

This post contains spoilers for Fault in Our Stars. If you have not read the book or seen the movie and do not wish to know how this story about cancer kids ends, then stop right here (also you have been living under a rock)

Last night (or a few weeks ago...see this post for explanation) Mona and I dragged Becky out of bed to THREE DAYS to read the end at work without crying. I had to stop every time because I started crying in the break room. I finally gave up when Becky caught me crying in an empty room by myself. She looked at me like I was crazy. I decided to finish it at home where I could cry in the privacy of my own home without being judged by Becky who had yet to read the book!
go see Fault in Our Stars. If you haven't heard of this movie it's based off a book about cancer kids. Stupid sad. I'm not even kidding. I sobbed my eyes out while reading the end of the book. It was super embarrassing too because I was trying for

Anyways, I decided to commit myself to more torture and go and see the movie. I had my Kleenex ready to bawl through the entire movie.

I was near tears the whole time because I knew what was going to happen in the end...*SPOILER* Gus dies!!

As was getting towards the end of the movie, they were just finishing up their fake eulogy for Gus, we were all crying, because it was sad and crying is what you are supposed to do, when all of a sudden Mona looks over to me with a panicked-stricken look in her eyes and I notice she is...

...laughing hysterically!

Her head starts to whip back and forth between me and Becky as she tries desperately to stop laughing.

Between the look of panic and the snort of barley contained laughter I feel my laughter start to rise. I completely lost it! I covered my mouth in an attempt to control myself, but it wasn't much help.

There we were, in the middle of a movie theater, watching an extremely sad movie, they just announced that one of the main characters, a kid, died of cancer and all three of us are laughing uncontrollably! Guys this is not the time! I think that made it all the worse. We just sat there laughing and laughing. Disrupting the entire theater!

I think if you didn't know we were laughing you might have thought we were sobbing violently. Like the love of our lives had actually just died of cancer instead of us just laughing inappropriately...I really don't know what is worse...

We barley pulled it together after what seemed like an eternity...I think it was sometime between before the phone rang to announce the death and sometime after the funeral, I'm not really sure what happened in between there because I was trying to get it together.

We got ourselves under control and tried our best not to be disruptive during the last few minutes as she was reading Gus's letter.

The movie reached the end, the credits rolled, and everyone left the theater. As soon as the last person walked the door we looked at each other and burst out laughing. I mean really laughing. Not trying to hold any of it back.

Apparently what started it all was Mona leaning over to Becky and whispering, "Becky, get your shit together! You're whimpering!"

I feel like a terrible person, but I still can't help laughing about it. I mean it's not everyday you leave a sad movie laughing.

Thursday, June 26, 2014

The Money Has Been Wired To Your Account

A little back story for this story: To make life easier my parents, my sister, and I all have our bank accounts connected so that if one of us goes in to a comma or dies it's easier to get at that person's money. Plus, it's also really nice for transferring money for different things. Group wedding gift? I'll buy it and take the money out of your account. Car insurance due? I'll just take it out of everyone's accounts and pay the bill.  Family plan phone? Just take my money! It's really handy. No cash or checks involved. 

Anyways, I've spent a lot of money these last few weeks due to it being Mona's 21st birthday, so I was running a little low in my checking account. I get this message from mom... 

I need to take, insurance, phone, wedding gift out of your bank account and you show you have $75...what shall i do

Me: How much do you need?

Mom: $230

Me: (after a moment) The money has been wired to your account.

Mom: What does that mean?

Me: I transferred the $230 to you.

Mom: At BMO (our bank) right???
Me: Where else? My offshore accounts? My pimp? The bank I robbed? The Monopoly bank?

Smarty mouth. I've never heard it called wired.

Me: It's a thing Mona and I are doing now. It's what they say in the movies when there are rich and shady business deals or blackmailing or drug deals going on. Instead of bringing cash you just give them an account number and they wire the money to your offshore account.

Oh I see.

Every time I take Mona’s rent money out I have to say the money has been wired from you account to let her know I took rent money out.

Oh impressive.

Me: It makes us sound both rich and shady at the same time.

Oh yes indeed.

I think Mom's really impressed with us girls. She may have been thinking I was broke and didn't have enough money to pay the bills, but now she thinks I'm rich! And, now that I think about it, possibly shady. I never really clarified I got the money from (my savings account)...she probably thinks it was the Pimp. 

Wednesday, June 25, 2014

Why Have You Been Gone...?

...I'm lazy.

I haven't wanted to take the time to write and edit posts. Simple as that.

It's one of my major downfalls in life.

It's really an all encompassing downfall to have.

I know you might be thinking: Stop being lazy and get up! We need you to write! Deal with your problems!

And I would have to tell you: It's more of a disease than a problem. It's really uncontrollable! I was born this way! Bullies! You just don't understand! It effects every aspect of my life!

Now to make my point I'll explain all of the aspects of my life it effects...

1. Cleaning
It is a real chore. The only time I clean is an hour before people are actually coming over.

2. Friends
I don't like to invite people over...because then I have to clean. Not inviting people over can cause them to think you are rude and then they don't want to be your friends.

3. Cooking
I don't like to cook because it's too much work...I eat out most of the time. It gets expensive, so you could also classify this under "Money Problems".

4. TV
I have a hard time shutting off auto play on Netflix. I like to leave the controller across the room or on the floor and it's too much work to pick it up, so I just keep watching the show. The only thing that gets me up is Netflix asking me "Are you still watching? It's been hours! No person should be able to sit this long! Have you ever heard of exercise?Are you dead? ". Then I get really offended at Netflix and get up to get the controller just to click yes to spite them.

5. Work
It's so early in the morning, which makes it worse. My beauty routine is null. I do as little as possible to look presentable enough to be at work and leave. I even wear the same shoes everyday just because they are by the door when I go to leave.

5. Love
Boyfriends. I avoid them because they are WAY to much work...they are so high maintenance. I'd rather take a nap.

You really should feel sorry for me! I mean I live in a mess, I never have a good meal, I'm spiteful, I never look nice and to top it all off I'm loveless!

Living with laziness is a tough life.

Friday, June 13, 2014


Becky: Martha said their new neighbor has a life sized TARDIS in their backyard!! Which she described as
"that big blue thing from that show". She said she would walk over with me and ask if I can take a pic in it.

Mona: You are such a nerd. If the neighbor man is single introduce him to Luna...actually DON'T!

Me: I think I'm offended! I don't know if it's more because you want to set me up or because you don't want me to date a nerdy man because I know you are thinking it will make me nerdier than I already am...


Me: humph!

Becky: I just don't know if I want Luna to be with a nerdy man or the opposite of her?

Me: I'm not actually that nerdy of a person, I could meet a guy who is REALLY nerdy and we still wouldn't be the exact same.

Mona: You WILL become that much of a nerd.

Becky: It would just pull you deeper into your neediness.

Me: Is that a bad thing?

Mona: Yes.

Me: That's not very nice.

Mona: I like how she didn't say no to anything! She wants a man.

Becky: And she wants us to find her one!

Me: No. That is not the case whatsoever!

Mona: OMGGGG! You are so right Becky! Shall we begin?

Me: NO! NO! NO! NO!!!!!

Mona: Challenge accepted!

Me: Dear lord NO!

Wednesday, June 11, 2014

Yesterday's Weird Stories From The Clinic

The Fish Hook

Albert the Maintenance Guy: I got a call because there was a fishhook caught in the carpet.

Me: How did that even get here?

Albert: I have no idea.

Me: Maybe someone was trying to do their own stitches?

The Phone Call

Me: Hello

Woman: You need to talk to her! She says she's sick and won't come to her appointment and you need to talk to her and tell her she has to come!

Me: Excuse me?!?

Woman: I talked to you before and you need to talk to my daughter (14 years old) and tell her she needs to get up and come to her appointment. (I had never talked to this women before in my life) 

Me: Me?!? (my voice squeaked a little)

Woman: (to me) Yes. (to the girl) Get up! You need to talk to this lady about your appointment RIGHT NOW!

Girl: (in the background) I'm going to call the police! Get your hands off me!

Woman: Shut up! I'm just trying to hand you the phone! Take it!!

There was a long pause and then the phone clicked off.

I moved the phone from my ear and stared down at it for a moment completely baffled by the conversation that had just taken place. I don't think talking unruly 14 year old girls into coming to their appointments is in my job description.

A few moments later the phone rang again.

Woman: It's me again. She hung up the phone! She pulled this with her eye appointment on Monday and we had to cancel. She need to get her lazy a** up and come to her appointment. Let me just see if I can get this door open and give her the phone. (to the girl) Open up this door right now!!

Girl: I'm calling the police for child abuse!

Woman: If your going to call the police for child abuse you have to open the door!!

I sat there speechless and listening intently in case I needed to call the police.

Woman: (to me) Here she is! (to the girl) Take the phone and talk to the lady!

Girl: Hello.

Me: Um...hi. I guess your mom wanted me to talk to you about your appointment today?

Girl: Yeah. I'm not feeling well.

Me: Um...well if it's about your neck pain physical therapy will help in the long run.

Girl: It's not my neck. I've been throwing up.

Woman: (in the background) Who knows if your faking!

Girl: (to woman) I am not faking! You never believe me!

Me: Um...I'm sorry to hear you're not feeling well. Um...I guess your mom really wants you to come to therapy today?

Girl: I'm not feeling well.

Me: Um...okay. Well...this is really something you should be working out with your mom. Can you put your her back on the phone?

Girl: Yeah.

Me: Um...thanks for talking to me?

Woman: Hello.

Me: Um...she says she's not feeling well...

Woman: I just never know when she's lying.

Me: Do you want to reschedule?

Woman: She needs to come.

Me: do you want me to leave her appointment?

Woman: I can't get her up.

Me: Um...I...(not knowing what to do)...I can't make her come in either.

Woman: When can you get her in next?

Me: Friday?

Woman: Fine. (to the girl) Come talk to the lady again.

Me: What?!?

Woman: I want her to promise you she will come in. (to the girl) I want you to promise you will go to your appointment!

Girl: Hello.

Me: Um...we reschedule your appointment for Friday?

Girl: Okay.

Me: Um...okay.

The Patient
Kim: I don't like that patient.

Me: Why?

Kim: While we were working in the gym she took her shirt off.

Me: What?!?

Kim: I don't know who she was trying to impress. I certainly wasn't.