A new friend of ours, Pearl, was talking to Mona the other day about all of our friends and her first impressions of them. Apparently Pearl can't figure me out, she thinks she has me pegged and then I throw her off. The ultimate mystery woman, or so I like to think. Mona tried her best to explain me in words, but she couldn't, so she ended up telling her I'm like "an alien", I'm just a little different than the rest of human kind.
I find this both confusing and fascinating.
It's a strange concept, people knowing who we really are. I mean most of the time I don't really know me. I surprise and confuse myself on a daily bases. So if I can't do it how are other people suppose to figure me out?
And it's different here, in the blogging world, because a lot of you only know me for my brain. You only know the thoughts and feelings and stories I choose to share with you. This part is only one side of me. So, for those who don't know me, let me tell you right now...I'm way more awkward in person.
I can't tell you exactly what I'm like and how people perceive me because I'm on the inside looking out, butI think I'm way different in my head than I come across to most people.
In my head I'm smart and funny and confidant. An independent logical and free thinker. I am slightly socially awkward. I'm focused and disorganized. I'm adventurous and easy going and sarcastic. I'm an absentminded daydreamer with a great imagination. I'm a realist who knows that people can be really creepy and evil and yet know there is still hope for humanity and I always expect the best out of people. I both like and dislike everyone simultaneously. I don't were my emotions on my sleeve and most of the time they confuse the hell out of me, so I pretend they aren't there and my brain convinces me this is emotionally healthy.
Growing up my mother always told me I was like a princess (I don't actually remember her using the word "princess", but I'm going with it) trapped in a tower with walls that I built and than put a moat around. She was constantly trying to get me to "knock down my walls".
In fact, when I was younger, the only way I would communicate with my mom about feelings and stuff (before texting and Facebook) was through a journal we kept and passed back and forth to each other. Oh gosh. I am weird. Let's phrase this as..I'm a much better writer than I am a talker. Not weird at all! Right?
Anyways, I see myself as all of these things, but I'm almost a hundred percent certain that is not how most people see me. I'm a relatively quiet person. A lot of people mistake that for shy, or stuck up, or serious, which maybe I am more than I think. Who really knows? I'm not even sure if people really like me or not.
And for those who don't know me in person, don't let my written words fool you. You could still hate me in real life.