Showing posts with label Mona. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Mona. Show all posts

Monday, January 5, 2015

Weekend Wrap-Up

This New Years resolution is hard.

What was I thinking?!? Trying to do one new thing each day?!

It's really hard to think of new things to do. Especially when you are a creature of habit and really super lazy.

Mona really doesn't think I'll make it. She keeps telling me with her sarcastic voice and pity face, "You can do anything you put your mind to". When she says you can do anything you put your mind to she's really saying, "you are never going to do this", "let's set some realistic goals", and "don't quit your day job."

Real supportive that one.

I'm only going to keep going to spite her.

Watermelon Surprise
#NewDay 2

I went out Friday night with a friend and I told the Barkeep to surprise me with a girly fruity drink.  I don't go for the surprise drink especially of the girly fruity variety. And let me tell you, this drink did not change my mind about that.

It tasted, and looked, like a Watermelon Jolly Rancher. While I like Watermelon Jolly Ranchers, having it as a drink is a little overpoweringly sweet. It's definitely not something I would have ever ordered on my own, but it was worth the try and I finished the whole thing. Plus, now I know I don't like it.

#NewDay 3

I almost gave up on day 3. 

I was super super lazy. It was a Saturday. I had the apartment to myself, and living with three other girls, it's very rare to have the apartment to yourself for a whole day. I didn't want to do anything. 

It was around seven at night I still hadn't done anything. Not even gotten ready for the day. But I needed to leave the house. I needed food and a hairdryer (mine decided it only wants to work halftime. Leaving me with freezing hair in the winter...not good). 

I was just gonna skip it. I could order delivery and go with wet hair. Putting on real pants and makeup just seemed like too much work. 

Weird fact about me: I never leave the house without jeans/dress pants and makeup. 

Then I thought to myself, "Wait a minute! I NEVER leave the house without real pants and makeup!" 

Time to try something new!

I was going to brave the shopping world barefaced and in sweatpants!

So, I just got up and left. 

It was freeing and empowering experience. Although it wasn't empowering enough for me to take lasting photo proof. I sent Mona a Snapchat that would be gone from evidence within five seconds, just to prove to her I did something new for the day so she couldn't give me crap, but that's it.  

Honestly, I don't know why I've never gone out of the house like this before. It's not like a wear an overpowering amount of makeup or always have to be dressed to the nines. I guess I just feel like a slob walking around in my pajama's and not getting my washing and prepping my face for the day.  

But it was nice. I might do this one more often. 

#NewDay 4

"I got that red lip classic thing that you like" 

Speaking of makeup. It was on my mind when I was out shopping without it. 

While I always wear makeup out of the house, it's not a crazy lot of makeup. I try to keep it very natural. I don't like to draw a lot of attention to myself. Attention tends to make me uncomfortable. Yes, I'm a little awkward and weird. Don't mind me. 

But this whole new branching out and trying new things thing got me thinking why not go a little bold and crazy. Go on. So I bought some red lipstick. It seems to really work for T. Swift. 

It think it worked for me too. I got a lot of complements like: 

"You look 'really' really nice. Like more than usual" 

"Sexy babe"

"You're going to attract all of the men

"Your face looks better than mine!

"I could see you coming from across the room and I love it",  

and my personal favorite:

"I was going to comment on your Instagram picutre, but I thought that would make you uncomfortable", 

That last one about sums me up when it comes to complements, but I think I'm keeping the lipstick. 

Thursday, August 14, 2014

Does He Know You Too Well?

No, I'm not talking about your significant other...I'm talking about the Asian Bistro Delivery guy. And I'm also talking about Mona, not myself, of course. And the answer is yes, yes he does know us too well. 

This new Asian Bistro place opened up about a month ago and we all love it.  We may order delivery once or twice or more a week between us. Is that a sin? 

The first warning sign that we might be eating it a little bit to much was when I order it for dinner and the delivery guy said, "Oh, this is the second time he's been here today." Do you know how if feels to have those words sound when they are spoken directly to your face by the Asian Bistro Delivery Guy?!? He made me sound like a pig, that's what it feels like. It's extremely offensive is what it is! That's not how you want your delivery guy to make you feel! See if I order from the Asian Bistro again! See if I ever open this door again!! See if I ever give you a tip again, Mister Mouthy!!! Okay, okay, so maybe I gave him the same amount of tip I always give him. I didn't go completely crazy. He does control my main food source. What's that saying..."don't bit the hand that feeds you." So, I tipped the guy and swore up and down it wasn't me, but I'm still not sure he really believed me. 

Then yesterday Mona was at my parents house (we crash there all of Shark Week, because we are too cheap to pay for Discovery Channel) and she messages Becky and I on our Facebook Biffs chat:

Mona: "Oh you are at a different house today" Be proud, not ashamed, Mona!!! HE KNOW ME! My response "I'm not afraid, to eat Asian. Everyday of my life"

Becky: What? Are you talking to yourself again?

Mona: No. That is what the delivery guy said "different house today"

Becky: Ohhhh lol embarrassinggg...

Mona: No.

Me: At least you're unforgettable. Too bad it's not that first super cute one that remembers you. (I’m ashamed to admit I know exactly what delivery guy she is referring to)

Mona: That would be worse. I couldn't handle that.

Me: You’re right. You would probably stop ordering Asian takeout if that happened.

Becky: That’s impossible! You wouldn't give up Asian takeout!

Me: You underestimate her awkwardness with the opposite sex.

Mona: Thank you Luna.

So, you may say he knows us a little to well if he recognizes Mona outside of our home. Honestly, I think he sees Mona more than I see Mona. Oh, I wonder if she stared dating him we could get free Asian Bistro? I mean we'd at least get a discount, right? At the very least we'd get our two dollar delivery charge waved. 

Friday, June 13, 2014

Matchmaking

Becky: Martha said their new neighbor has a life sized TARDIS in their backyard!! Which she described as
"that big blue thing from that show". She said she would walk over with me and ask if I can take a pic in it.

Mona: You are such a nerd. If the neighbor man is single introduce him to Luna...actually DON'T!

Me: I think I'm offended! I don't know if it's more because you want to set me up or because you don't want me to date a nerdy man because I know you are thinking it will make me nerdier than I already am...

Mona:....yes.

Me: humph!

Becky: I just don't know if I want Luna to be with a nerdy man or the opposite of her?

Me: I'm not actually that nerdy of a person, I could meet a guy who is REALLY nerdy and we still wouldn't be the exact same.

Mona: You WILL become that much of a nerd.

Becky: It would just pull you deeper into your neediness.

Me: Is that a bad thing?

Mona: Yes.

Me: That's not very nice.

Mona: I like how she didn't say no to anything! She wants a man.

Becky: And she wants us to find her one!

Me: No. That is not the case whatsoever!

Mona: OMGGGG! You are so right Becky! Shall we begin?

Me: NO! NO! NO! NO!!!!!

Mona: Challenge accepted!

Me: Dear lord NO!

Monday, June 9, 2014

The Back Up Plan

Mona: Can we get a tour bus?

Me: Sure! That would be great! I was thinking the other day that if you died I would become a legitimate gypsy, so a tour bus would be a good investment.

Mona: Huh, a gypsy...? Only if you take me with.

Me: You mean like your ashes?

Mona: Yeah and you can sprinkle a little bit of me in every place you go.

Me: Okay. Our first stop would probably be Austria to visit Tammy. That way we have some place to stay and won't cost so much money.

Mona: Sounds like a good plan. I'll do the same if you die first. Just promise me one thing...

Me: Yes?

Mona: Promise me you'll find true love. I'll make it part of my will.

Me: Um, okay. That will insure I get your millions of dollars.

Mona: Can you see if I put that in and years from now, when you are already married, I tell you to find love to get my money.

Me: I'd tell my husband I have to go out and find my true love, because Mona obviously thought you weren't it.

Mona: Your poor husband.

Me: So when you die I will travel the earth spreading your ashes and looking for my true love. Sounds like a great plan!

Mona: Sorry I'm holding you back...

Me: I'd rather stay here with you.

Wednesday, June 4, 2014

Taxidermy Gift Ideas

Last night, around one in the morning, as I was asking my roommates for this month's rent, I asked how they would feel about me starting a taxidermy collection.

Kat: (with a high pitched squeak to her voice) That would be great...

Candy: (running towards the door) Well, it was nice living with you guys! Bye!

Mona: Can we please!!! Oh buy this! We could hang it on the wall in the dining room right above the table!

This is why I love Mona. 

It all started because I was looking for a birthday gift for her and you all know how that's been going so far ...I get easily distracted.

Well, this is what I was asking about getting, but there are lots of great options out there, so I wanted to run it by her and my roommates first.
Piranha
Here are some of our other options: 
Fortune Telling Squirrel
Alligator Claw
This one is Mona's favorite:
Puffer Fish Lamp

As we were searching through Etsy for different Taxidermy options, Candy was grossing out at everything!

Candy: Can't we get something cute instead?

Me: What animals do you consider cute?

Candy: Umm...ducks...

Me: Okay, lets me look up some ducks!

A moment later...
I don't even know


Okay, so maybe ducks aren't that cute anymore...I might have nightmares about that one. Maybe this whole taxidermy thing isn't that great of an idea...

Then this morning, after I got over the trauma that was that duck, I decided to kept looking.

GUYS I THINK I FOUND THE PERFECT ONE!!

Background Info: Mona and Candy both sing and play guitar and go busking.

I sent everyone this picture over Facebook:

Me: What about this one?
Busking Duck
Mona: How fitting!

Candy: This quacks me up!

Me: Is that a yes?

Candy: Duck yes it is!

Now if anyone has $50 they want to loan me...Taxidermied animals are expensive! Fifty dollars? Really? No wonder I haven't started collecting Taxidermy before, maybe I'll start a rock collection instead. It may not be as cool, but it's cheaper!

Friday, May 9, 2014

Vacation Time!!!!

Right now I really should be getting on a plane headed for Italy, but sadly I am not.

Don't be too sad about it Mona and I chose this. We decided to be responsible and not waste money on a trip to Italy when we are trying to open a coffee shop, so instead we bought this for half the price.

I would have told you sooner, that the trip was canceled, but the news was rather anticlimactic. Mona and I were in our room. Mona sat on her bed and I was in the chair across the room. She had just written out the check for our first payment. She held the check in her hands staring down at it. Staring at the sheer amount of it and considering the ramifications of sending it out. "Do we really want to spend this much money on a trip when we are trying to open a coffee shop?" she asked me. I stared at her and the check. I knew she was right. I had been having the same feelings about the trip for the last week, but I had yet to voice it or accept it. "Probably not," I replied to her with a sigh of disappointment.

We talked about all the pros and cons of going to Italy and the cons eventually won out.

Mona dramatically  ripped the check into little pieces and symbolically threw it in the air like confetti. Okay, so maybe the confetti throwing didn't really happen...she might have just set it on the bookshelf next to her, but now that I'm thinking about it she should have thrown it in the air! It would have made for a much better story. This is why it was so anticlimactic and I didn't write about it! She just sent it on the bookshelf and we moved on with our lives. It's all Mona's fault! If she would have just thrown the ripped up check in the air we would have gotten a proper post. Thanks a lot Mona! So, to make this story better, let's just pretend there was a metaphorical confetti throwing. The falling of paper pieces like the falling away of one dream to make way for a better dream. Like the death and rebirth of a Phoenix. Very poetic and beautiful!

So, back to my main point, even though I'm not going to Italy I'm still taking the time off.

We are heading up to Northern Wisconsin, and by Northern Wisconsin I'm talking about the Green Bay area. Any farther North and that's practically Canada. I live about 30 minutes from the Wisconsin/Illinois border, so that far north would surly insure some sort of culture shock.

I've got my bags packed (which that in itself is a major accomplishment seeing as of 11:00 last night I had absolutely no clean laundry or motivation) and I'm ready to hit the road...that is as soon as I'm done with work. The countdown is at 2 hours and 30 minutes. It's nice to know I won't have to be back here for a week and a half!

Since this vacation is to a place void of a wireless or plug in internet connection and Mona is trying to get me to go on a social media fast (I have agreed to no such thing), I'm not sure how much you will be hearing from me in the next week or so...you never know I might be bored out of my mind or have so many hilarious things I want to tell you that I'll write double the posts from normal, but I highly doubt I'll be bored, so it's more likely you won't hear much from me.

So, if you don't hear from me just think of me sipping espresso on a pier by the lake reading a good book and soaking up the sunshine with a content smile on my face.


Sunday, May 4, 2014

Sleeping Beauty

Mona came home from a long day of work. She plopped herself down in one of the chairs in our living room. We chit catted and caught up for a little while and then, after sometime, she lay her head back on the recliner, closed her eyes and fell asleep.

Four hours later she comes to sleepily and asks what time it is. 5:20. She has an engagement at 6 and still needs to get ready. 

Mona: Why did you make me fall asleep? 

Me: Because I'm evil. 

Mona: Humph...

Me: Like Maleficent 

Mona: WHAT? (Looking around confused and horrified)

Me: Maleficent?

Mona: What? (still looking around confused and horrified, I am beginning to think she might still be asleep) 

Me: You know, from Sleeping Beauty? 

Mona: STOP it! 

She yells and then, with a pout on her lips, closes her eyes and falls back asleep. 

I look at her in confusion. I'm not sure if she was yelling at me to stop being a weirdo or to stop putting her under a sleeping spell? I guess I'll never know because when she finally woke up, she didn't remember the conversation. 


{Update: Mona just called me and said "I didn't get to read it, but I saw a glimpse of your blog post and since It's called 'Sleeping Beauty' I can only assume it's about me." I quickly replied "If it was about you it'd be called 'Sleeping Ugly'." So if Mona asks this post is not about her.}

Saturday, May 3, 2014

What Breed of Children Do You Want?

Girl on TV: I haven't really thought about kids before, but if I did have kids I would want two girls. They will be a pain in junior high, but I grew up with sisters, so it will be okay.

Me: She's never thought about kids before, but she knows exactly how many she wants and what kind of bre..umm.

Mona: Were you going to say breed?

Me: Maybe.

Mona: Because that's what I was thinking.

Me: It seemed fitting. Plus I couldn't think of the word gender.

Friday, May 2, 2014

Famdamly Convo

After reading my post from yesterday, Mom was a little concerned for my emotional well being. This conversation took place in our “Famdamly” ongoing convo on Facebook.

(Please note that this conversation has been edited for ease of reading. We go off topic and respond late and back track and misuse words and spellings constantly. Plus nobody understands what Mom’s saying half the time, so I cut out all the really confusing parts.)

FAMDAMLY:

Mom: Luna is an emotional mess..she needs her hormones checked PLEASE...I am worried about your females… (she is referring to the fact that I haven’t had my period in a few months and there is no way whatsoever I am pregnant. I have a really have a hard time wanting to go to the doctor for NOT bleeding for days. It’s just not at the top of my priorities list.) Luna is a mess!

Me: I'm fine now that I cried

Mom: No you ain't...must go to doctor....otherwise you are like Nancy thinking you don't need doctors (Nancy, our friend, drank raw milk and didn't go to the doctor for years so she basically had to get ALL of her woman parts removed)
Me: It's just PMS I'll probably be getting it this weekend. I'm fine…

Mom: It isn't normal not to have for that long....I could see if you were training for the Olympics....just saying! lolol I don't want these emotions up north (we are going on vacation to our family’s cottage in two weeks). Gma and I have both had problems.....

Mona: Many {referring to Mom’s many problems}

Me: But I am training for the Olympics! That is why!

Mom: Excuse me, Mona, my problems!?! Doris (Code for Mona's uterus) is the worst with all those dirty looks and snarls!

Mona: She hasn't been bad!

Becky: Wait! Mona am I uninvited because I have Doris?? {yes, Becky’s coming with us on vacation} I will keep Doris in check!

Mona: Becky. If you promise to keep her in line you can come lolol.

Mom: Mona, you don't see her in a real light like the rest of us! She is nasty! {referring to Mona’s Doris}

Becky: Are we talking about Luna? lololol (If I wasn't away from my computer stopping a flood at this moment I would have responded to this with a “How dare you say this about me Becky! You better sleep with one eye open this vacation!” But like I said, I was stopping a flood and this comment went refuted. Thanks for standing up for me mom.)

Becky:
 It's probably because you don't have a liver. {referring to my gallbladder and liver problems from a few weeks ago}
Mom: Her liver is still functioning.....

Becky: No, they had to remove it surgically and they replaced it with another uterus which explains everything

Mona: Ohhhhhhhhhhhh double Doris! Ooo double Doris....I don't want that.


Mom: Becky...please don't give medical advice to patients {Becky is a receptionist at the same hospital I work for}

Mona:
That is her job. She is a doctor.

Mom: Dr. Dread

Mona: Becky is a Doctor and Luna is training for the Olympics?! Wow we have some classy folk. I feel like a bit of a loser (Again, if I wasn't dealing with a flood, I would have said some hilarious snarky comment about her actually being a loser)

Mom: See that's why I don’t want to go up north......her training for the Olympics could be rough.......she may want us doing it with her

Dad: I think I'll just go myself

Mona: Every time Luna has Doris we say "Luna is training for the Olympics" Change approved?

Becky: I like it. Change approved!

Mona: Hahaha

Luna: I step away to get coffee and deal with a flood and this is what happens! (okay, so I might have really been getting coffee and chitchatting while watching them clean up an overflowing sink). What happened to my body? I didn't get where you were going with that bit.

Mona: Yeah you had to remove it surgically and they replaced it with another uterus which explains everything

Me: Oh okay. So, you are saying they took out my well working uterus and surgically replaced it with a defective one?

Becky: No they took out your liver and you now have two uterus'

Me: Wait. Why did they replace my liver with a uterus?

Becky: I don't have time to explain science to you Luna.

Mona: Dumb jocks…

Me: I think I take offence to the dumb jocks comment.

Becky: Dumb Olympians

Me: Much better. Thank you.

Wednesday, April 30, 2014

The Tale of Twenty Photos

Yesterday, I was going through a bunch of old pictures on my phone and it brought back some good memories and nostalgia, so I thought I would share some of my pictures and stories with you!! 

1. For my 24th birthday Mona and I took a last minute trip to Maine (this was before I started blogging otherwise I would have told you about it). This is Mona with the Portland Head Light Lighthouse in the background. 

2. This is an old army base in Maine, they had it all locked up, but it was cool to walk around and look at all the in the old buildings. Obviously, someone broke into this one and redecorated. 

3. Same army base. This is Mona sitting in one of the old gun holders? Is that what you would call them? There is a big hole with stairs and they used to put big guns in the hole, so "gun holder" makes sense? It's a cool picture...we'll just leave it at that. 

4.Mona and I were a little concerned when we came upon this Culver's, I think it was in the Green Bay or Appleton area? We wanted to know why were we in danger? Turns out it was only a water main break, another restaurant that was still open and using bottled water let us know.

5. Mona and I took some time to do a fancy lake snow art. What that means is we went on the ice, that was frozen and covered with snow, and made art! Here is a house! Mona is trying to get in the door. I think she wants to join the fishes! (That may have sounded like a death threat...I just want to clarify that it is not)

6.  This is how I watch ALL sporting events on television. Reading a book. I'm a HUGE sports fan...not. 

7. This is Mona in fear for her life. We were walking out a long pier in Sheboygan, WI off of Lake Michigan to get to a lighthouse at the end. It was rather windy and the waves were pretty high. She was so afraid of the crashing waves knocking her off the pier that she hit the deck and held on for dear life. She survived.

8. My Cousin with a View-Master. Need I say more? 

9. This is the gear shaft for a revolving jail! My family was on our way to or from Nashville and I saw this museum in the hotel guide. I told them I refused to leave until we went. Mom wasn't enthralled with the idea, but I refused to budge. And it was awesome! They put prisoners in this big room with a round cage separated into different cells that had only one door in or out that opened to only one cell at a time. The jailers would turn the crank to open it to the prisoner they were looking for. They used this concept for added security. Unfortunately, revolving jails are no longer in use because they were deemed a fire hazard and because too many prisoners were losing limbs and heads when the jail would rotate and they had body parts sticking out of the bars. I love weird Museums. I've been trying to talk Mona into going to an old psyche hospital Museum in Indiana, that is supposedly haunted, but for some reason she keeps saying no. 

10. Creepy little children statues I found in my grandmother's basement that reminded me of the Weeping Angles from Doctor Who. Let's say I walked out of there backwards without blinking.  

11. PIRANHA! Mona is terrified of fish. Like crazy terrified. I have a goldfish and she can hardly walk past his tank. So naturally I made her go to an Aquarium. I don't remember for sure where it was, it was either Ohio or Indianapolis or St. Louis...? She was doing okay until we hit the piranha tanks. She hated the piranha tanks. After seeing them sit still in the dark tank ready, not moving, ready to attach at any moment, one of the creepiest things she had ever seen.  She said, and I quote per her request,
"Every fish has a little Piranha in them."  
Yes, Mona, my goldfish could rip the flesh off you at any moment. 

12. Last year when I went to leave our apartment one morning I found a snowman left on our front porch (see picture on left). This was right after the Doctor Who Snowman Christmas Special, so obviously thought it was the Great Intelligence at work!  I went around telling everyone it was a Doctor Who Snowman (see right) that it was after me! Nobody seemed to believe me. 

13. The is from the time my friend Kate asked Becky and I to go with her on a date. She had met the guy on an online dating site, but she was worried about getting kidnapped and murdered, so she wanted us to tag along and call the police if anything fishy happened. Becky and I jumped at the opportunity! Mona pouted, because she had to work. 
The date was at a woodworking convention in Milwaukee. BEST DATE EVER!! At least for Becky and I, Kate didn't like it so much...I mean just look at the distance between the two of them!
After a while Kate made a dash to the bathroom, we followed see if she needed us to come to her rescue. She was ready for the date to be done. Little did we know that Becky's sister, who showed up moments before to join the fun, was talking to the poor guy. He was telling her that on his last online date the girl went to the bathroom and just never came back. She offered to go check on his date for him she felt so bad for him. We didn't let Kate just ditch him through the bathroom window, we made her man up and go tell him it wasn't going anywhere. Then we went out for margaritas. 

14. A lovely poem I wrote with magnets we got from the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame. I'm not quite sure where "cowbell" fits in, so just use your imagination. 

15. My baby, Minnow, sitting at the table drinking coffee. She takes after me with her love of coffee! It's hard to get a good picture of what she really looks like...from here you would think she is a black lab, but this is not the case. She may have the body of a black lab, but she has the legs of a basset hound. She basically looks a giant winner dog. Some people call her weird looking and then I never talk to them again. 

16. This is what it looks like when you drive on highways surrounded by cornfields in the middle of a Wisconsin winter. Not cool Wisconsin. Dad wanted me to send this picture to Mom as we were driving, but I told him I wasn't crazy! I will show her when the snow is gone. Well, the snow is gone so here you go Mom! Good news...we survived without incident or else you would have heard by now. 

17. This cool looking spider Mona found hidden in her clothes in the basement. Mona didn't like it so much at the time...well actually she still doesn't like it, she almost threw up when I just showed her this picture. Way to hold a grudge. 

18. Awesome homemade French waffles! Mom has this group going where a bunch of people make French recipes and share pictures on Facebook every month. I told her I wouldn't do it, because who wants to cook that often? But a bunch of my friends got together to do it together, so it was okay. And, like I said, they were awesome.  

19. My green thumb at work. Sadly the winter was not kind to my poor plants...nor was the summer. I think it was just because Mona kicked them over..look at that dirt on the ground! That was from the pots!
 Still, I just don't seem to have a way with plants. I've even managed to kill a cactus before, so I don't know why I think I can grow a more delicate plant. I try the set it and forget it method when it comes to gardening...it doesn't always (or never) work. But every year I keep trying...
Is plant homicide illegal? 

20. One day last summer, Mona and I decided that we were going to become birdwatchers. We downloaded a bird app, dressed in our outdoors like gear, went and bought binoculars, and stopped at Starbucks (you can't go bird watching without coffee). This picture was the result of our excursion. Do you know how hard it is to be a birdwatcher?!? Trying to look through those tiny binocular holes while locating the bird you just saw with your real eyes is VERY difficult. Plus it's hard to hold coffee and look through binoculars at the same time. Once Mona was done with her coffee she put the Starbucks cup on the end of the walking stick she picked up...as you can see from the picture. We were out watching for hours. We had a blast and basically become bird watching experts and then we never went bird watching again. 

Good times.


Tuesday, April 29, 2014

ACKNOWLEDGE!

Mona: (droning on about something I don't remember)

Me: (doing my work and nodding to make Mona thinks I'm listening)

SHORT PAUSE

Mona: Acknowledge!

Me: What?! I was nodding my head!

Mona: Yeah, like this...(Mona stares straight ahead holding her neck stiff without moving)

Me: Umm...so you're saying I wasn't nodding my head?

Mona: No.

Me: Are you sure?

Mona: Yes.

Me: Um...Well...in my head I was nodding!

Mona: (rolls her eyes at me)

This "Acknowledge" shouting is a new thing Mona's doing. For some odd reason she doesn't like it when I listen to her without giving her some sort of affirmation that I am in fact listening. It's usually when she asks, what I think are, rhetorical questions. Like "Where do you want to eat?" or "What do you think about that?"

So, when she asks these rhetorical questions and I don't answer right away she shouts out "ACKNOWLEDGE!" to get me to respond.

I've been trying to acknowledge more without her prompting, but apparently that isn't working so well.

Monday, April 28, 2014

A Tiny Man With A Small Knife

This weekend I sat eating my lunch in peace, watching Battlestar Galactica, when all of a sudden I hear this rustling to my right. I ignore it thinking it is the open window blowing a brown bag sitting on the floor.

But the rustling continues. The noise is starting to get distracting and annoying, so I reach down and move the bag out of the way of the window.

A moment later the rustling continues. In the same spot. 

I pause for a moment, thinking to myself, "Am I going crazy? Have I finally lost it for real? Or is could it be a tiny man (I'm thinking Borrowers small)  with a small knife rooting through all of the junk Mona has on the floor to rob us and, if he knows I know he's here, possibly murder me as well?" 

I slowly move my head, as not to alert the tiny man of my presence, and look down at the source of the noise.

I did not see a tiny man, but I did see an open popcorn bag, that I'd left there the night before (Yes, sometimes I leave open popcorn bags on the floor. I'm lazy and forgetful...don't judge me). The bag was moving, but there was no wind.

I held my breath as I peered into the open bag...


IT WAS A MOUSE!

First, I let out a sigh of relief that it wasn't a tiny man trying to murder me. 

Then I took this picture. Because that's what you are suppose to do when you find something disgusting or if someone falls or if a baby's crying. At least that's what I've learned from social media. Plus, if you don't have proof, it never happened. 

After my evidence was gathered I stared at Pop, short for Popcorn of course, and tried to figure out how I was going to grab the bag and close it without him jumping out onto my hand and to bite me and giving me death and disease for interrupting his lunch, because that's what I would do if someone interrupted my lunch. At least, if I died from a mouse bite, my picture would point my family and the police to my killer. 

I am happy to say that I figured out a way to avoid getting bit! The answer...let him escape. Yup, as I sat trying to figure out a way to maneuver to grab the bag for so long that he jumped right out and ran away. 

I just watched him go. He ran across the room and under Mona's bed (which if she asks did not happen)
I knew there was no way I would be able to catch a mouse bare handed, so I just went back to eating my food and watching Battlestar Galactica. I was upset that there was a mouse in my house and that he escaped, but I was more upset that he ate my popcorn! 

I sent Mona the picture of Pop and told her to pick up some live mouse traps on her way home, but she brought home death traps! I protested and said I couldn't kill Pop, but she insisted they were the only traps available and I would be using them. 

Until the mouse is caught, Mona is not sleeping in our bedroom...she is sleeping downstairs in a recliner. I don't have the heart to tell her a mouse has feet. Everyday she asks if I caught the mouse and I crinkle up my face and say, "yes?" in a high pitched voice. She must not believe me, because she is still sleeping downstairs. 

Part of me is relieved that Pop hasn't gone into one of the death traps. I hope he escaped outside to live out the rest of his life in peace. 

Friday, April 25, 2014

Meet Doris

I don't think I've talked about Doris before here at Lowercase (because that's what all the cool kids are calling the blog these days...okay so maybe just me? It will catch on). 

Well there is a reason I haven't talked about her before...I HATE DORIS!

And let me tell you the feeling is mutual.

She is mean, doesn't like my jokes, she tries to treat me like a slave and get her food and sweets ALL of the time.

She snaps and growls and whines and is all around unpleasantness.

And she comes to visit once a month.

Doris is Mona's uterus. And she comes to visit at that "time of the month", if you know what I mean? No? She's here when the painter's come to town...they only paint in red? Still nothing? Aunt Flo?

Do I have to spell it out for you? It's her period! 


Doris is in Town

Gosh, was trying to be discreet about it, so as not to embarrass you people. I can't help it you don't understand PMS code.

Anyways, as I was saying, Doris and I don't get along so well. Mona is always apologizing for Doris and claiming she can't control her, but yet she lets us continue on in this way.

When Doris is with Mona the two of them remind me of Gollum from Lord of the Rings. Kinda like a split personality sorta thing. My Mona is in there somewhere, but she's letting Doris whisper in her ear.


So, for Listed Fridays with Erica Jacquline, I'm going to share with you 5 ways Doris (Or any girl with PMS) reminds me of Gollum.

1. Doris is mean.
Via












2. When I  won't get Doris food she whines. 
Via
3. When whining doesn't work Doris goes crazy.

Via


4. When I tell Doris she's being crazy, she doesn't listen.

Via

5. And last, but not least, Doris loves her precious, except instead of a ring picture her precious being chocolate. Doris always wants chocolate.
Via


What qualities does your inner Doris bring out in you? 



Thursday, April 17, 2014

My Whole Stupid Family Almost Died Last Night

My whole stupid family almost died on my last night.

And they didn't even tell me about it!!!

I'm scrolling through Facebook this morning and I come across a post from Mom:




I've mentioned before that Mona, Becky and I have a BIFFS group chat going on Facebook, while we also have a Famdamly chat going with Me, Mom, Dad, Mona and our honorary family member Becky. So I messed them right away.


Me: What where you guys doing last night?!?

Becky: sucking gas

Mom: Trying to see Jesus

Dad: I had to Dave the family from the grip of death. Somehow the gas stove was left on with no flame.
       
Save not Dave

Becky: thanks for daving us

Me: I don't think you guys should be left alone on Wednesday nights anymore (Mona, Becky and I go over to Mom and Dad's on Wednesday night and eat food. Mona and Becky spend the night and I go home to sleep in my own bed).

Nothing but deathly trouble every week.

Mom: Oh yeah the fire last week (last Wednesday their neighbor's house caught on Fire)...
           
Maybe you should stay from now on
   
Me: Do you all have wills drawn up

Mom: Never had a will. ..

Me:
If you guys are going to try dying on me I think you should

Dad: Yes everything goes to my favorite daughter

Me: Yes, me, but if I could get that in writing

Mom: Probably should so you two don't fight over all or millions. . 
         
But you would've got it all. It was a serious thing. 
         
Upon reading you usually just don't wake up

Me: I KNOW!

Becky, you could also put me in your will if you would like

Becky: want my IPAD and TV? that's about all I have to give lol

Me: And any remaining money in your bank account. You may not have any now, but who knows if you die many years down the road and have money saved and didn't realize you didn't change your will for your husband and kids....I will get all of your money

Becky: And you can cash in my PTO (paid time off…we work together) or use it for vaca

Me: Hum...can you will someone your PTO?

Dad? Do you think you could do that? (Dad works in upper management in for our company)

I bet we can talk to a union rep...

Becky: If its in my will they can't deny it

Me: “My very last and greatest wish is that Luna get all of my PTO.”

Becky: I'll stop taking time off so it will grow and you will never have to worry about a day off in your life

Me: Thank you Becky

Dad: I'm pretty sure Luna’s going first, health u know

After awhile Mona decided to join. She doesn't work until two, so she misses out on most of our early morning chats. 

Mona: This is an interesting chat to catch up on!
   
Don't sign your Will over to Luna, she will murder you all

Mom: Agreed and we won't even know is happening

Becky: OMG! This is all part of her arch enemy (Yesterday we were watching Sherlock and they were talking about having arch enemies, so Becky and I decided to become each others)

Mom: Thanks Becky we were just collateral damage

Mona: She is the one who left the gas running. Luna, how could you do this to me! do you just want my $1,000ish money in my savings?

Mom:
You guys have seen our banking

Me: Mona…
       
Way to ruin my plan.
       
And maybe I took some life insurance out on you guys as well
       
I mean don't listen to her!
       
She lies!

Mona: Luna, I thought you would include me in your plan...not "INCLUDE ME" in your plan!

Me: Mona you were giving me grief yesterday

Mona: I give you grief every day!

Becky: Luna I have nothing to offer you!

Mona: Except sweet sweet victory. It is all about the mind game!

Mom: It's really Becky she's in on it cuzz she got no money
         
She made up this nemesis story to trick us. . She pretended to be dead when I stared into her face listening for breath

Me: Becky isn't that clever

Mona: lol

Becky: Yes I am!

Mona: Oooo....good comeback

Becky: Thanks lol (I'm not sure if Becky caught the sarcasm in Mona's comment or if she actually took that as a compliment) 

All of our devious arch enemy plans aside, there was one thing bothering me...
I HAD TO FIND THIS OUT ON A FACEBOOK POST!!!!

Me: What I want to know Becky is why didn't you mention the fact that you all almost died when I talked to you at work this morning

Becky: near deaths happen to me all the time i'm used to it

Me: All my attempt at on your life my nemesis

Mona: you didn't ask if she almost died, that's why she didn't tell you

Becky: lol true you should have said "Becky how are you this morning? any near deaths?"

Me: Okay I'll start asking if there were any near death experiences since we parted last

Next we had to talk about all the symptoms of gas inhalation they were experiencing. 

Becky: I've feeling like i have to puke all day i hope i'm not dying from the gas
         
 Have you guys been feeling sick??

Mona; I feel kinda pukee

Becky: really?? so do i
           
its either the gas or the scones or the lack of Happy Endings (the tv show mom forgot to tape for us)

Mona: all of the above
           
I've pooped like 3 times already

Mom: I have a massive headache...we are ok its just what sometimes happens...should all be better tomorrow
           
Headache and nausea are the symptoms

Becky: i hope i didn't get brain damage

Mom: Nope just headache nausea or you don’t wake up
         
So if you two are puky I am headachy its was a miracle we are alive...

Mona: And I am poopie...don't forget about that!

Mom: That's good...leaving system.....let it flow let it flow (like frozen song)

Mona: That could be a PMS song too "Let it flow let it flow"

I wish I could say those last few lines were symptoms of the brain damage, but sadly they are not. 

Tuesday, April 15, 2014

Google Glass

Okay, I know I posed something already today, but this is major!

I COULD BUY GOOLE GLASS TODAY!!!!! And become an explorer....

Because Mona and I are trying to open a coffee shop we are trying to keep a tight reign on our money spending, but she opened up the door for spending...



Mona: really want to go get my tattoo.

Becky: what are you getting?? when??

Me: if you get a tattoo, can I buy google glass?

Mona: Because it is obviously the same price Luna...
I want to get "it is well" on my forearm under my elbow crease

Me: well...it's the first and only day they are available for the public.

Becky: how much are they?

Me: $1500
https://glass.google.com/getglass/shop/glass

Becky: worth it

Mona: Give me 5 reasons as to why that would be a good idea for our future business

Becky: you could be looking at recipes while you make coffee

Me:
1. we can work more efficiently, hands free while we work

2. we will show to be ahead of the times, therefore people will trust our business sense.

3. we will look cool, therefore people will like us and come to our business.

4. it will be a good conversation starter "hey you have google glass!!?" "Yes, I bought them to help with my coffee shop, come join me"

5. I would be one of the fist public people to have google glass and can train to start giving lessons when they are officially released to the public and make us money to open the coffee shop

Becky: all valid reasons

Me: thank you Becky.

Mona: Okay

Me: Really?!!? Because their tag line is "become an explorer" Mona I want to become an explorer.

Mona: If you think it will be beneficial. (I imagine this said with a snotty, know it all, manipulative, disapproving voice)

Me: I feel like you are saying "okay, if you think it will be beneficial", but I feel like you don't really believe it will be beneficial.

Becky: I don't think she thinks you are going to get it lol


Me: challenge accepted!

Friday, April 11, 2014

How to Break an Egg

How fast can you crack an egg? 

Apparently, on Sunday, Mona got into it with some of our friends claiming that she could crack an egg the fastest. She did go to one semester of culinary school and worked in a hospital kitchen. Cracking eggs was her specialty.

Neil, who is almost done with culinary school and has worked in several different restaurants and catering places begged to differ. Claiming that he, in fact, was the fastest egg cracker in town. 

Among them were a few amateurs who threw their hats in the ring as well, claiming they could take a crack at their claims.

Several different techniques were discussed. The one handed, two handed, double eggs, crack on the bowl, or crack on a flat surface and such. The argument was heated. Words were said. Names were called. Friendships near lost. (note: I was not present at said argument, this is all hearsay and exaggeration). 

Yesterday it was time for them to put their skills to the test. 

We were all over at my parent's house when Mona came walking in with three cartons of eggs. She wanted to get more, but the gas station she stopped at had a sign restricting the number of egg cartons bought per customer. Apparently they don't like when you come in and try to buy six dozen eggs. 

The Speed Egg Cracking Contest was on!!

Mom got us some bowls and we divided the eggs up. There were enough for seven eggs apiece. 

The rules were simple: Crack the eggs as fast as you can without getting shells. First one done wins. 

Mona, Neil, Neil's twin brother, Ben, John, and I lined up around the table. Standing with our hands behind our backs we waited for Mom to count us down. 

"3...2...1....GO!!"

We were off! The sound of cracking eggs filled the air. The clicking of hard shells on bowls sounded like music to our ears. 

I didn't have time to pay much attention to everyone else as I was solely focused on breaking my eggs as fast as I could. I used the one egg, two hand approach. I would grab the fresh egg with my right hand, hit it hard on the bowl once and pull the shell apart with both of my hands. My left hand would discard the broken shell as my right hand reached for another egg. 

Guys...I don't cook a lot. I never claimed to be the fastest egg cracker around, but when I threw up my hands and yelled "DONE!" I looked around and saw everyone still cracking away! I had won! I beat them and the eggs!

Never have I been more proud of myself. What an life accomplishment. My new claim to fame. 
Egg Cracker Extraordinaire! 

John came in a close second, then Ben, and the two "cooks" of the group, who had bragged the most, Neil and Mona, came in last. Mona was dead last (Unless you count the one little egg shell that disqualified John).

What's your best egg cracking technique? And do you think you could win a speed egg cracking contest? 

Friday, April 4, 2014

A Day In Luna's Life

Okay, so this is kinda a long post. I was reading Life Changes’s post, called A Day In My Life, yesterday and thought it would be fun to write about a day in my life! (crazy weird jump...I know).


A Day In Luna’s Life


Waking Up
My alarm clock, that is five minutes fast and constantly giving me trouble, blares at 6:00 A.M. every morning. I shut it off, open my eyes, giving it the evil eye. I turn the other way and also shut off the fan on my headboard book stand thingy (you know what I’m talking about), and roll out from my bed and tangle of pillows and blankets.


I trudge through the junk scattered on the bedroom floor in the dark, my room darkening drapes not letting an ounce of light in. I try to keep quiet as Mona is sleeping in the same room.


Zombie-like I grab my shower stuff and head to the bathroom, most of the time I forget how to shower and stand looking at the shampoo for awhile before I remember what I’m suppose to do with it.


After showering I put my pajamas back on (because ten-to-one I forget to grab my robe in the left in the bedroom) and go back into the bedroom, flip on the light, look over at Mona to make sure I didn’t wake her up, grab what I need and shut the door as I tiptoe out. Down the first flight of stairs, I drop my phone off on the bar in the kitchen to make my trek down another flight of stairs to the basement.


I grab something that resembles an appropriate work outfit from among the piles of unfolded, and somehow clean clothing (because I hate to do laundry) and put it on. Every time I think, tonight I will organize this laundry room, so my roommates don’t grow to hate me because of it,  and every night I don’t do it. It’s a vicious cycle.


Once I’m back up to our main level I head into the bathroom. I put my makeup on in 5 minutes with my eyes basically closed. Then I say to myself that I’m styling my hair by turning on the blow dryer just to the point it stops dripping and doing nothing else. If it looks too terrible I throw it up in a sloppy, partially wet ponytail and call it a day.


If I’m done exceptionally early I plop down in the recliner in the living room and scroll through social media.  

I have an alarm set for when I need to absolutely leave the house or I will be late. As soon as that goes off, I put on my shoes. The same pair of shoes everyday. My red Chucks. Once slipping those on, I put on my winter coat, yes they may be calling it “spring” here in Wisconsin, but it doesn’t look or feel anything like spring.

I grab my purse, keys, name-tag, which are usually left my the front door, and make sure I have my phone before I head out the door.


Once I walk outside and before I shut and lock the door I double check to make sure I have my purse, keys, name-tag, and phone. I can be absentminded and forget any or all of these things at any given point. I have probably spent more time looking for my lost phone than actually using it.


As I walk out to the parking lot of my apartment building I see that once again my neighbor is parked in my extra parking stall. I know we don’t always use it, but it still irks me that they think they have a right to park in my empty spot. I glare at my the car the entire time that I’m getting in mine. I think about the nasty letter I will write and put on their windshield. I have yet to write note.


I drive to work in silence. I don’t know if I’m still partly asleep or lost in my thoughts, but I don’t even realize I didn't turn on the radio until it’s too late to even bother.


Work
I park in the farthest spot from the building, the same spot every time, so I don’t forget where I parked. And sit for a minute just looking at the building thinking “do I really have to go in?”, the answer is always and unfortunately “yes”.


I walk across the parking lot and into the building. I get to my desk, clock in, unlock doors and drawers, and log into my computer and see what I've got going on for today. If you don’t know, I work for a large medical facility. I’m the receptionist for Physical and Occupational Therapy, Orthotics, and Prosthetics Departments (and yes I have to say all that every time I answer the phone).


I get into work at 7:00 am.  It’s my favorite time to be at work. Most people don’t start until eight, including my partner, so it feels like I have the place to myself.  I love the feeling of a big empty building. The silence and darkness of a normally bustling place. It’s got an eerie quiet quality about it that I find comforting.


I get all of my busy work done and wait for the building to come to life. My partner usually clocks in just before 8:00 nearly giving me a heart attack because she is so close to being fired for being late, I yell at her every time.


The Urgent Care reception desk is right next to ours. I love the receptionist dearly, but she also can’t make it to work on time to save her life.  She works by herself, so when she’s late, I have to take over the responsibilities of her work on top of my own.  I set my jaw and forward her phones to my desk and take care of all of her patients. Lately she has been almost an hour late everyday. She has FMLA (a law that says you can’t be fired because of medical problems) for headaches, asthma, and depression that she uses and abuses. I have asthma too, but I still manage to make it to work on time and I’m here running around doing her job on top of it. You should see me trying to catch my breath as I run back and forth. I get that every now and then you need to come in late, but this is EVERY DAY!! (I’m not sore about it at all)


Whenever she decides to show things calm down and my partner and I get our work into a normal routine. This consists of actually working, browsing the internet when we are slow, me goofing off with Kari (one of the therapists) when she is slow (Don’t tell anyone, but Kari is my favorite), trying not to get people mad enough to threaten my life, and fending off people trying to get me to go out with Charles. It’s rough work.


Lunch
Around noon I take my lunch. I bundle up and walk to the diner across the street. I get a booth and take my book. Right now I’m reading The Goldfinch by Donna Tartt. The girls at the diner know me and bring me my diet coke right away. I sit and eat and read. Sometimes I even let the girls talk me into getting a piece of pie.


After an hour, I tear myself away from my book and walk back to work.


Only three hours left.  


I count down until 4:00.


After Work
Depending on the day and how I’m feeling I can do different things.


My set days are Tuesdays and Wednesdays.


Tuesdays, I normally go and see a movie with my dad. There’s a special where you get your movie, large popcorn, and a soda for $10 and we take turns buying. Afterwards we stand in the lobby or outside (depending on the weather) and talk for awhile about the movie and life.

And Wednesdays, Mona, Becky, and I go over to my parents house for dinner. Mom always cooks and we eat. We talk and watch cable TV shows that we don’t get. Mona and Becky normally spend the night, but I go home to sleep in my own bed. I hate trying to get ready for work in the morning at someone else’s house and I don’t want to wake up any earlier than I have to to drive home and get ready.


Days that are not Tuesdays or Wednesdays differ depending on a lot of different things.


On the nights Mona isn't working we normally eat dinner together and find something to do, like going to a coffee shop or writing music.


On the nights Mona is working, I act like an old lady. I pick up fast food on my way home from work at 4:00 because I don’t like to cook and I don’t want to have to go back out later and get something. Then I plant myself in the recliner and binge watch Netflix. Sometime Becky joins me, right now we are watching Dexter together and love it (we are only on season 4, so no spoilers please).


When Becky’s there we try and get in as many episodes of Dexter that we can until Mona gets home. We started the first episode without without Mona and she got mad and refused to catch up and watch it with us. She still gets mad when she catches us watching, so we try to have it shut off by the time she walks in the door. Becky and I  always look guilty so she knows.


When Becky doesn't come over I try and stay up until Mona gets home, so we can talk or write music or watch a TV show together, but I don’t always make it. 10 o’clock is just too late some nights.


Bedtime
The way I get ready for bed is to throw on my pajamas, think about washing my face, and don’t. because I’m too lazy. And crash into my bed. I bury myself in with lots of blankets and pillows. I turn on my fan and set my alarm to be ready to get up and do it all over again…


After writing this, I see myself as a very lazy person who watches way too much TV. In my defense I do do other things sometimes! Just not all the time.

What does a normal day look like for you?