(Please note that this conversation has been edited for ease of reading. We go off topic and respond late and back track and misuse words and spellings constantly. Plus nobody understands what Mom’s saying half the time, so I cut out all the really confusing parts.)
FAMDAMLY:
Mom: Luna is an emotional mess..she needs her hormones checked PLEASE...I am worried about your females… (she is referring to the fact that I haven’t had my period in a few months and there is no way whatsoever I am pregnant. I have a really have a hard time wanting to go to the doctor for NOT bleeding for days. It’s just not at the top of my priorities list.) Luna is a mess!
Me: I'm fine now that I cried
Mom: No you ain't...must go to doctor....otherwise you are like Nancy thinking you don't need doctors (Nancy, our friend, drank raw milk and didn't go to the doctor for years so she basically had to get ALL of her woman parts removed)
Me: It's just PMS I'll probably be getting it this weekend. I'm fine…
Mom: It isn't normal not to have for that long....I could see if you were training for the Olympics....just saying! lolol I don't want these emotions up north (we are going on vacation to our family’s cottage in two weeks). Gma and I have both had problems.....
Mona: Many {referring to Mom’s many problems}
Me: But I am training for the Olympics! That is why!
Mom: Excuse me, Mona, my problems!?! Doris (Code for Mona's uterus) is the worst with all those dirty looks and snarls!
Mona: She hasn't been bad!
Becky: Wait! Mona am I uninvited because I have Doris?? {yes, Becky’s coming with us on vacation} I will keep Doris in check!
Mona: Becky. If you promise to keep her in line you can come lolol.
Mom: Mona, you don't see her in a real light like the rest of us! She is nasty! {referring to Mona’s Doris}
Becky: Are we talking about Luna? lololol (If I wasn't away from my computer stopping a flood at this moment I would have responded to this with a “How dare you say this about me Becky! You better sleep with one eye open this vacation!” But like I said, I was stopping a flood and this comment went refuted. Thanks for standing up for me mom.)
Becky: It's probably because you don't have a liver. {referring to my gallbladder and liver problems from a few weeks ago}
Mom: Her liver is still functioning.....
Becky: No, they had to remove it surgically and they replaced it with another uterus which explains everything
Mona: Ohhhhhhhhhhhh double Doris! Ooo double Doris....I don't want that.
Mom: Becky...please don't give medical advice to patients {Becky is a receptionist at the same hospital I work for}
Mona: That is her job. She is a doctor.
Mom: Dr. Dread
Mona: Becky is a Doctor and Luna is training for the Olympics?! Wow we have some classy folk. I feel like a bit of a loser (Again, if I wasn't dealing with a flood, I would have said some hilarious snarky comment about her actually being a loser)
Mom: See that's why I don’t want to go up north......her training for the Olympics could be rough.......she may want us doing it with her
Dad: I think I'll just go myself
Mona: Every time Luna has Doris we say "Luna is training for the Olympics" Change approved?
Becky: I like it. Change approved!
Mona: Hahaha
Luna: I step away to get coffee and deal with a flood and this is what happens! (okay, so I might have really been getting coffee and chitchatting while watching them clean up an overflowing sink). What happened to my body? I didn't get where you were going with that bit.
Mona: Yeah you had to remove it surgically and they replaced it with another uterus which explains everything
Me: Oh okay. So, you are saying they took out my well working uterus and surgically replaced it with a defective one?
Becky: No they took out your liver and you now have two uterus'
Me: Wait. Why did they replace my liver with a uterus?
Becky: I don't have time to explain science to you Luna.
Mona: Dumb jocks…
Me: I think I take offence to the dumb jocks comment.
Becky: Dumb Olympians
Me: Much better. Thank you.
Becky: I don't have time to explain science to you Luna.
Mona: Dumb jocks…
Me: I think I take offence to the dumb jocks comment.
Becky: Dumb Olympians
Me: Much better. Thank you.
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