Monday, January 27, 2014

Charles Conspiracy Theory

I think dark and twisted forces are at work to destroy my life.

Let me give you a little bit of back story to set up this situation of pure evil.

Back in July, I had this patient, we will call her Anna, who would come in all the time to see Leslie for braces. Every single time she came in or called she would try to set me up with her Nephew. Our conversations would go something like this:

Anna: Are you still single?

Me: Yes? (gosh, why don't I just lie in these situations) 

Anna: You really need to go out with my Nephew.

Me: Ummm.....I don't have time. Sorry. (oh please, please just let this go)

Anna: He works as a bartender. (Is that suppose to make me like him more?)

Anna: I'm gonna give him your work phone number. (Hell, no. I'll hang up the phone! Okay, so maybe I would politely tell him that he seems like a really great guy...but I'm just unable to go out with him at this time in my life)

Me: But there is my job and school and....I am just way too busy. (Maybe she sees the panic in my eyes and will let it drop now) 

Anna: You need to take a break sometime. Don't you want someone to hold your hand while you watch the fireworks on the Forth? (Gulp, did that sound like a threat?)

Me: ha. ha. (Why isn't she getting the hint!)

Anna: Will you at least think about it? (NO!)

Me: Yeah, I'll think about it. (Thought about it and it's still NO!)

Anna: I'm gonna make him drive me to my next appointment. (...!!)

Me: ha. ha.

Thankfully she didn't come in again. That is until last month.

Anna: You really missed out!

Me: What?

Anna: My nephew has gone and got himself engaged. That could have been you! You could have been my niece!

Me: Oh man! (Thank God) 

She came and went and I thought about how I had "missed out" on being her niece. I can't say I cried about it.

Then Friday happened.

Leslie, who she normally sees for her braces, is out on medical leave until February. The person who covers for Leslie is Charles. Yes that Charles.

Anyway, she was suppose to see him Friday, but with the weather she called to cancel her appointment.

Anna: I'm sorry I don't get to meet Charles today. I was really looking forward to it. Is he nice?

Me: Yes, he is a great (talking about in a professional I am suppose to do...because it's my job), we can get you in with him next week if you still want to see him. (Me, again, being professional and doing my job) 

Anna: Is he single?

Me: Ummm...yes? (Is she looking for someone?)

Anna: Because I wanted to try and set you two up. (WHAT!! HELL NO!)

Me: don't...

Anna: Is he ugly? Is that why you don't want to go out with him?

Me:''s alright...I just...I don't...(Pull it together you blubbering idiot!) 

Anna: You're just not looking for someone right now?

Me: Yes. (Oh, thank God, yes she gets it) 

Anna: I still want to meet this Charles.

Me: When you reschedule we can still get your appointment with him. (or not) 

I don't know why everyone is out to get me to go out with Charles. Even patients who have never met Charles are in on it. It's a conspiracy of pure evil.

My mother has started referring to him as my boyfriend to my extended family!!!

You accidentally go to a movie with a guy ONE TIME and everyone thinks your dating. I am never going to the movies with anyone ever again!!

Okay so maybe that's a little over exaggerated...I love going to the movies. So, I will never go alone with a guy again!

But then my mother might start thinking I like the ladies.

Maybe I should just go myself from now on. It will save me the trouble.

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