Charles Conspiracy Theory

I think dark and twisted forces are at work to destroy my life.

Let me give you a little bit of back story to set up this situation of pure evil.

Back in July, I had this patient, we will call her Anna, who would come in all the time to see Leslie for braces. Every single time she came in or called she would try to set me up with her Nephew. Our conversations would go something like this:

Anna: Are you still single?

Me: Yes? (gosh, why don't I just lie in these situations) 

Anna: You really need to go out with my Nephew.

Me: Ummm.....I don't have time. Sorry. (oh please, please just let this go)

Anna: He works as a bartender. (Is that suppose to make me like him more?)

Anna: I'm gonna give him your work phone number. (Hell, no. I'll hang up the phone! Okay, so maybe I would politely tell him that he seems like a really great guy...but I'm just unable to go out with him at this time in my life)

Me: But there is my job and school and....I am just way too busy. (Maybe she sees the panic in my eyes and will let it drop now) 

Anna: You need to take a break sometime. Don't you want someone to hold your hand while you watch the fireworks on the Forth? (Gulp, did that sound like a threat?)

Me: ha. ha. (Why isn't she getting the hint!)

Anna: Will you at least think about it? (NO!)

Me: Yeah, I'll think about it. (Thought about it and it's still NO!)

Anna: I'm gonna make him drive me to my next appointment. (...!!)

Me: ha. ha.

Thankfully she didn't come in again. That is until last month.

Anna: You really missed out!

Me: What?

Anna: My nephew has gone and got himself engaged. That could have been you! You could have been my niece!

Me: Oh man! (Thank God) 

She came and went and I thought about how I had "missed out" on being her niece. I can't say I cried about it.

Then Friday happened.

Leslie, who she normally sees for her braces, is out on medical leave until February. The person who covers for Leslie is Charles. Yes that Charles.

Anyway, she was suppose to see him Friday, but with the weather she called to cancel her appointment.

Anna: I'm sorry I don't get to meet Charles today. I was really looking forward to it. Is he nice?

Me: Yes, he is a great (talking about in a professional way...like I am suppose to do...because it's my job), we can get you in with him next week if you still want to see him. (Me, again, being professional and doing my job) 

Anna: Is he single?

Me: Ummm...yes? (Is she looking for someone?)

Anna: Because I wanted to try and set you two up. (WHAT!! HELL NO!)

Me: Uh..no..I...umm...I don't...

Anna: Is he ugly? Is that why you don't want to go out with him?

Me: No...it's...just...no...he's alright...I just...I don't...(Pull it together you blubbering idiot!) 

Anna: You're just not looking for someone right now?

Me: Yes. (Oh, thank God, yes she gets it) 

Anna: I still want to meet this Charles.

Me: When you reschedule we can still get your appointment with him. (or not) 

I don't know why everyone is out to get me to go out with Charles. Even patients who have never met Charles are in on it. It's a conspiracy of pure evil.

My mother has started referring to him as my boyfriend to my extended family!!!

You accidentally go to a movie with a guy ONE TIME and everyone thinks your dating. I am never going to the movies with anyone ever again!!

Okay so maybe that's a little over exaggerated...I love going to the movies. So, I will never go alone with a guy again!

But then my mother might start thinking I like the ladies.

Maybe I should just go myself from now on. It will save me the trouble.

Another Post About Charles

Okay, do you remember back in November when I accidentally went on a date with Charles to see The Hunger Games? And then how I tried everything in my power to convince myself it wasn't a date? (It really wasn't)

Well, yesterday. Dad really wanted to see The Hunger Games and, because nobody would go with him and he didn't want to go alone, I said I would go with him.

I posted on Facebook: Hunger Games for a third time? Why not. 

The first reply that I got was: Good idea, I might have to try that. From Charles.

With in two seconds of him posting this I got harassing messages from my family and friends (who still insist it was a date) saying he was basically begging to go with me.

Normally if anyone posted something like this, I would be all "HEY! COME WITH US!" 

But instead I said: It may seem obsessive, but I'm okay with it.

What kind of lameness is that? I didn't want to ignore him and I didn't want my family to mock me more, so that's the best I could come up with on short notice. But, in my defense, saying "do you want to go out with me and my daddy?" didn't seem like the best option either. Just because I can write a blog, doesn't guarantee I can come up with good stuff to say on the spot that requires real life social skills.

When Dad picked me up for the movie he said he was going to post something on my status about asking Charles if he wanted him to bow out so Charles and I go to the movie alone.

I WOULD HAVE KILLED HIM!

I know he likes to try and embarrass me (it's a sport of his), but that would have been crossing a line.

On a normal day this would have been upsetting and awkward enough, but earlier that day I found out that Becky, who works in the same Clinic as I do, has been referring to Charles as my boyfriend to the entire second floor!

I was training another girl, Jackie, who normally works on the second floor. Charles comes out to the front desk to say hi and as soon as he leaves Jackie turns to me and says "Oh, so that is your boyfriend"

Two seconds later this conversation took place:

Me: Becky. WHAT HAVE YOU BEEN TELLING JACKIE ABOUT ME!?!

Becky: Umm lots of stuff lol she sits by me every day...we share. I might or might not have said you and her son would be cute together

Me: Not that.

Becky: Oh lol then what are you talking about? Charles?

Me: The first time Charles walks out here she says “so that’s your boyfriend?” Not in front of him thankfully!

Becky: ...this is awkward.

Me: What do you have to say for yourself?

Becky: I’m ashamed

Me: What exactly have you been telling people?

Becky: I swear I have just told her that I’m trying to set you up with him, but Kayla and I kinda refer to him as your bf so I can seeeeee some people taking it the wrong way

Me: I hate you.

Becky: I didn't mean to!!!!!

Me: Yes you did.

Becky: I will simmer it down

Me: You will shut it down.

Becky: Fine. Consider Operation Luna’s Prosthetic Heart shut down. (Charles works in the Prosthetics department, in case you didn't know why Becky thinks she funny)

Me: That’s what you've been calling it?

Becky: I just thought of it. Genius I know.

Me: No.

I think I need to find me some new friends and family.

Curse of the Wedding Doll

I am definitely going to be single for life.

When I was a little girl Mom and G-ma collected Precious Moment dolls for me.

I loved them. 

They weren't the type of dolls to stay locked in a glass case, I set them free and gave them glamorous well lived lives. 

There was grand adventures, lasting friendships, a touch of romance, and even a little dirt involved in our time together. 

I still have the dolls. They are pack away in a bin in my basement.

I know it seems pointless to keep them packed away in a bin and not put them on display, but I couldn't bear to get ride of them. And I really don't want to be the crazy old lady with creepy dolls all around her house. 

You should see this one house downtown. It's an old Victorian. There is a big bay window on displayed with lighting, backdrop, and lots and lots of dolls!

It's one of the creepiest things I've ever seen, especially when you walk by at night. 

Anyways, when I was little G-ma bought a Wedding doll, to go with my collection, that she always said she would give to me when I got married.

I used to sneak in G-ma's closet and pull the doll out, just so I could look at her. When I was five I thought she was the most beautiful thing in the world! I couldn't wait until she would be mine. I would marry as soon as I could just so I could have her. 

A few years ago G-ma gave the doll to Mom to hold onto for me. I put up a bit of a fuss, but G-ma is getting older and at this rate she may never live to see me married, so I let it slide. 

Then this weekend happened!  

Mother calls me over to get a few things of mine that she found in the basement while cleaning and wanted me to take home to make more room for Thanksgiving company. 

I start loading the stuff in my car and can you guess what I found amongst the pile of junk I am taking home?!?

That's right! 

MY WEDDING DOLL! 

The one that is suppose to be given to me ON MY WEDDING DAY!!

Now I know I have told mother countless times that I am happy being single and I don't know if I'll ever get married, but still...it's the principle of the matter! 

So, basically G-ma and Mom are throwing in my face that they don't think there is any hope of me ever marrying and after 25 years have given up hope!

Thanks a lot guys! Way to make a girl feel loved!

When I casually mentioned to Mom that I felt like she had given up hope on her oldest daughter ever getting married by giving me my Wedding Doll, she tried to say she had no idea she was suppose to give it to me on my wedding day and she would take it back, but by this point I was being stubborn and refused to give the doll back. 

I wanted to know why she thought she was holding on to the doll for so long if her and G-ma could have given it to me 20 years ago? 

At this point Dad pipped in and said I had it all backwards. I wasn't married yet because she hadn't given me the doll. Now that I have it I'll be married within the year. 

I screamed and tried to throw the doll back, but they wouldn't take it.

So, I have this Wedding Doll haunting me from the back seat of my car. It hasn't made it in the house yet, from fear, forgetfulness, or pure laziness, I'm not sure. But the box stares at me through my rear-view mirror. I feel cursed by this doll. 

If I'm married by then end of next year, which is still highly unlikely, I'll blame it on this stupid Wedding Doll Curse!