There is so much I want to say. All the thoughts that have been running through my mind. But staring at this screen makes my mind go blank...
But I want to tell you, so I'm going to try.
I've been severely depressed. I've been locked away in my room for the last three days. It started off as anger over something stupid, then it turned to anger at the world, but then it quickly turned to scared, alone, and sobbing.
At one point I even looked at my wrists and thought "what if"...
...The strangest thing just happened. Just as I wrote that last line a lady walked up to my desk with tears in her eyes. I asked if I could help her and she said "No. My dog just passed away in the middle of the night. We've had him for 16 years. It just makes you think how important life is. Even with all it's trials and tribulations. Life is important." and then she turned and walked away.
What the heck was that! Here I am feeling all dark and depressed and trying to sort out my feelings and this shit happens?!?!
I was eventually going to write about life being important, but I think it would have just been me trying to convince myself and here this lady comes and throws it in my face!
Life is weird, but I'm starting to think it's a good kind of weird again.
Weird coincidence? Good, weird life "coincidence", that brought a bit of hope! I appreciate your honesty here, and the inspiration in your story.
ReplyDeleteMost definitely a good weird coincidence. It was a really hard post to put out, but I'm glad I did.
ReplyDeleteI'm sorry you've been feeling so depressed. I hope you're doing better now. I've been there.
ReplyDeleteThanks Karen. I am doing better :)
ReplyDeletehey babe...been there, done that and realized this : depression sucks:) but most importantly, nothing, absolutely nothing is worth more than your life. except if you have a kid, in which case his/her life is worth more than yours..but you're not there yet;) drop me a line if you ever have weird states of mind at beentheredonethatyeah@gmail.com. Not kidding, this is my email ;)
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