Bitter Cup of Coffee

I've been trying all day to explain exactly what happened with Mandy and the coffee shop yesterday and today, but I just don't have the words.

So much has happened I just can't wrap my brain around it.

The jest of it is that the coffee shop (you can read about our last coffee shop problems HERE and the follow up HERE) reopened today without us and things are not good between Mona and I and the coffee boss. We have been trying to work things out since the last incident, but things seem to have only gotten worse.

It's so bad, that after yesterday, Mona wants to puke.

Coffee boss, Mandy, is not treating employees or her customers with any respect. And, with the way she is heading right now, she is going to ruin this coffee shop. She is not a good business owner and she seems completely oblivious to the damage she is causing. It's a hard situation, because we really like her as a person, but, as of right now, Mona and I are seriously thinking about leaving because of the environment Mandy is creating.

Mom thinks we are in an abusive relationship and we should get out now and just leave her without looking back, but we are trying to do things in a respectful and civil manor and decide what is best for our future.

OH VEY! We really don't know what we should do!

I know you don't have all the details, but if anyone has any helpful life advice it's more than welcome right now...

Am I a Robot?

Have you ever had an anxiety attack? 

Well let me tell you, they are not fun.

Over the last few months, when I have been super stressed (and I have been super stressed), I have had derealization and depersonalization anxiety attacks.

de·re·al·i·za·tion

dēˌrē(ə)ləˈzāSHən/

noun

1.

a feeling that one's surroundings are not real, esp. as a symptom of mental disturbance.

de·per·son·al·i·za·tion

dēˌpərsənələˈzāSHən/

1. 1.

   the action of divesting someone or something of human characteristics or individuality.

a state in which one's thoughts and feelings seem unreal or not to belong to oneself, or in which one loses all sense of identity.

It's super weird and super crazy. It normally happens when I'm in a big crowd. Everything goes mute and hazy and things move in slow motion. Nothing seems real, almost like we are all trapped in a television show or dream and at any moment we are just going to wake up and find out none of what we know is real. I kinda feel like a crazy person (or technically not a person), but the internet tells me I'm not crazy, just stressed...so I'm going to believe that all of the internet is true.

However, even with me having anxiety attacks where I don't think my life is real, this is not the main reason I don't feel like a human. 

The main reason I question my humanity is because of the stupid word verification thingy I have to do every time I try to leave a comment anywhere on the internet!

I swear some of them are in a different language or not really letters at all! I think they are just ink blots and the person who makes them is just sitting there laughing at us trying guess letters out of nothing! 

I know they are just testing to make sure I'm not a robot spam commenting on everything, but 9 times out of 10 I don't get it right on the first try. This makes me seriously question if I'm a robot or not. I could really be one in disguised and just not know it. 

Am I the only one who has a hard time with the word verifications or am I the only robot out there? 

stress + nerves + anxiety = streverty

Stress is a strange thing. 

It does strange things to my body.

 I don't sleep, I don't eat, I get headaches, I'm distracted, my right eye starts to twitch, and my hands shake.

Being nervous and anxious is also a strange thing. I get nauseous and shaky. I start biting my nails and there is a continuous deep dark pit in my stomach. Recently I have also added a nervous bladder to my growing list of symptoms. Who really has to pee every 5 minutes? This girl. That's right. Starting about 2 hours before she has to take her test. That's a lot of pee. And also really annoying.

A combination of stress, nerves, and anxiety is not a mix I would recommend to anyone. This time around my streverty (stre-ve-ty a combination of stress, nerves, and anxiety if you don't know my made up lingo) was in part due to my lack of anticrastination (opposite of procrastination. See this link for reference). Basically I need to stop messing around and get my work done on time or I'm going to go insane!

So here are my self-prescribed recommendations and inspirations for this fall semester to avoid streverty. 

1. Some lovely motivation and inspirational Pins from Pinterest:

2. This quote from the text book I was reading for school:

"Your time is valuable and you'll need to plan ahead to avoid rushed frenzy right before your due date"

If I learned anything from this class, this is going to be it! 

3. Following the 11 Practical Ways to Stop Procrastination. Procrastination is a lifelong struggle for me. Hopefully by using some of these practical tips it will help!

4. Start doing Yoga again. I like Yoga. It relaxes me. It reduces my stress levels.

5. Remember that I LIKE TO LEARN!! This one is a big one for me. Tests, exams, and projects take all the fun out of learning for me. I am going to try and not focus so much on the tests, but more on the learning. I really do like it! 

6. There was also this lovely blog called On A Simple Thought. I read the post called Steps in Achieving Your Dreams right after I finished my test that really inspired me to keep at it. It reminded me to focus, plan, commit, be motivated, and have a good support system. It was exactly what I needed to hear after a crappy day and me wanting to throw the towel in. 

7. Remember: Don't give up on your dreams just because they seem hard! It will be worth it, I promise!