Friday, September 27, 2013

Am I a Robot?

Have you ever had an anxiety attack? 

Well let me tell you, they are not fun.

Over the last few months, when I have been super stressed (and I have been super stressed), I have had derealization and depersonalization anxiety attacks.


de·re·al·i·za·tion
dēˌrē(ə)ləˈzāSHən/
noun
1.
a feeling that one's surroundings are not real, esp. as a symptom of mental disturbance.

de·per·son·al·i·za·tion
dēˌpərsənələˈzāSHən/
  1. 1.
    the action of divesting someone or something of human characteristics or individuality.
a state in which one's thoughts and feelings seem unreal or not to belong to oneself, or in which one loses all sense of identity.


It's super weird and super crazy. It normally happens when I'm in a big crowd. Everything goes mute and hazy and things move in slow motion. Nothing seems real, almost like we are all trapped in a television show or dream and at any moment we are just going to wake up and find out none of what we know is real. I kinda feel like a crazy person (or technically not a person), but the internet tells me I'm not crazy, just stressed...so I'm going to believe that all of the internet is true.

However, even with me having anxiety attacks where I don't think my life is real, this is not the main reason I don't feel like a human. 

The main reason I question my humanity is because of the stupid word verification thingy I have to do every time I try to leave a comment anywhere on the internet!

I swear some of them are in a different language or not really letters at all! I think they are just ink blots and the person who makes them is just sitting there laughing at us trying guess letters out of nothing! 

I know they are just testing to make sure I'm not a robot spam commenting on everything, but 9 times out of 10 I don't get it right on the first try. This makes me seriously question if I'm a robot or not. I could really be one in disguised and just not know it. 

Am I the only one who has a hard time with the word verifications or am I the only robot out there?