7 Reasons Why I Hate Answers.com

You know what I'm talking about...those stupid Facebook Ads! 

1. They are everywhere. EVERYWHERE! Almost every other post on my news feed is from Answers.com about things from 14 Child Actors Who Disappeared From Film to 10 Foods You Used To Love That Are No Longer Made. Every. Where.

2. They are about the dumbest stuff. 7 Celebrities Who Got Pregnant In Their Teens isn't exactly the most educational piece of literature ever written.

3. Nobody really wants the answers. Who really wants to know what 5 Overhyped TV Shows We Expected To Be Better...oh, I really was expecting Super Fun Night to be better..sorry where was I? Yeah. Nobody wants to know that.

4. You have to do a thousand and one clicks just to get through all the answers. They track clicks at work people. If you get in trouble do you really want to tell your boss it's because you needed to know the 16 Celebrities You Probably Didn't Know Were Childhood Friends.  I don't think so.

5. They are actually REALLY boring. They are never as scandalous as advertised. We all know Demi Moore was one of the 10 Woman Who Married Younger Men! Come on! You finish and realize that was a complete waste of time.

6. They are never ending. As soon as you finish one they move right on to the next topic. Sometimes it takes a few slides for you to realize we've moved on. And you only figure it out because you are pretty sure Morgan Freeman is NOT one of the 6 Hollywood Good Girls Who Aren't Actually All That Sweet...you know Morgan Freeman is really as sweet as he seems. But by the time you figure out where you are you need to finish and find out who the 5 Best Male Voices In The Movie Industry are. You am invested.

7. THEY GET ME EVERY STUPID TIME!!! I can't not click them. It's humanly impossible. I try to scroll past it, but something in my head NEEDS to know the 14 Good Girls Who Went Bad On Screen.

I think I need an intervention...somebody help me please!

Free Pizza

My roommates and I were all hanging out at the apartment on Saturday night, unusual for all five of us girls (did I mention we got a fifth roommate last week?) to be home at the same time, so we decided to do dinner together. None of us really wanted to cook, so takeout it was (okay, so if I'm being honest maybe cooking was never a real option...it was always going to be takeout). After some whining and complaining and more whining (mostly from Mona) we decided on pizza. We went with Little Caesars Hot-N-Ready $5 pizzas because we were starving and broke and they were fast and cheap.

We called ahead, to make sure we didn't have to wait any longer than necessary (because we were that hungry) and Candy, Mona and I ran to pick it up.

All  Of Our Free Pizza

When we got there the guy puts the stack of pizzas and breadsticks on the counter and says,

"TODAY IS YOUR LUCKY DAY. NO CHARGE." 

What?!? All the pizza and breadsticks FO FREE?!? Are you for real? This is better than winning the lottery!

Apparently they were too short staffed to run the place on a busy Saturday night by themselves, so they were giving us the last of everything they had and they were closing up shop for the night.

They literally locked the doors behind us.

As we were loading the all the pizza in the car there were two people who came up and tried to get in the locked building. When they couldn't get in they turned and gave us dirty looks, so we avoided eye contact and drove away quickly. It kinda looked like we robbed the place.

Best day ever.

All Powerful Unicorn

Mona and I got into a heated argument last night.

She started the conversation by saying that if she had a super power it would be being a unicorn.

I stared at her for a moment, contemplating the application of this and said with a nod "okay, sure".

Mona continued with, "I'm still trying to decide if I would be able to switch between a human body and a unicorn body or if I would permanently have a unicorn body."

It's weird to think of your sister in a permanent unicorn body. "I think you might want to have a human body sometimes"

"What if I did have and half?"

"Which half?" I questioned.

"Well it would just be weird to have the bottom half of a unicorn. Everyone would just think I was a horse."

"And you don't think having the legs of a human and the head of a unicorn would look weird?"

"What if I had a pink tale?", she countered

"Then then might just think you are a My Little Pony"

She took great offence to that comment, "I guess I'll just have to be permanently a unicorn. But I'll be all powerful, so I could shape-shift into a human if I wanted..."

"Wait," I stopped her, "You can't permanently be a unicorn and shape-shift into a human."

"Yes I can," she answered, "I'm an All Powerful Unicorn I can do anything! I could shape-shift into a hamster if I wanted."

"But then you would not permanently be a unicorn! You would be unicorn who could switch between the two, but you would not permanently be a unicorn."

"No," she persisted, "I'm an All Powerful Unicorn. I can do anything."

"I'm going to bed," I huffed, "You are not seeing the flaw in your logic."

"Good. Go to bed. Sleep on it and then maybe you'll understand the flaw in your logic."

We are still going back and worth on it this morning and asking others to weigh in. So far everyone has sided with me and my mother thinks we live in a crazy fantasy world.

What are your thoughts on the subject? Can she be both a permanent unicorn and shape-shift into a human? Or does it have to be one way or the other? 

Receptionist or Machine

Some people are just crazy. I'm convinced of it. (myself being the standard for normal of course) 

This lady called me to cancel her appointment for today. She is suppose to be seeing us for the next six weeks and we normally set up all the appointments at once, but when she originally went to set up the appointments she didn't know her schedule, so she just set up one.

Since we only had the one scheduled when she asked to cancel I asked if she would like to reschedule since we don't have anymore set up at this time and she FLIPPED OUT!

"WHAT DO YOU MEAN?!?! I AM SUPPOSE TO BE COMING FOR THE NEXT SIX WEEKS!!!"

I taken aback thinking what just happened. I literally have this same conversation 100 times a day, what could have gone so wrong this time? She must have misunderstood something I said. I wasn't telling her she couldn't come back. I took a breath and tried to remedy the misunderstanding, "no, no, I'm not saying that you can't come back, it's just that today was the only scheduled appointment we have for you. We just need to reschedule it for a different time."

"I CAN'T JUST COME WHENEVER YOU WANT! I NEED TO GET A RIDE! I AM SUPPOSE TO BE COMING FOR THE NEXT SIX WEEKS!"

"Um, I know we just need to schedule the appointments..."

"FINE! I GUESS I'LL JUST HAVE TO WAIT FOR YOU TO CALL ME BACK!!."

Call her back?!?! Am I a receptionist or an answering machine? Why in the world would I have to call her back?!? I'm on the phone with her right now!

I this point I realized I was not dealing with a rational person. This one was straight up crazy! I'd have to use different tactics.

Dropping my "understanding nice girl" voice I went into my "stop being crazy and listen to me because THIS IS WHAT WE ARE DOING" voice. It comes off as bossy and slightly irritated and demands that no nonsense be allowed. I don't like using this voice with patients, but sometimes it's the only way you can deal with crazy. You've gotta do what you gotta do.

We went back and forth for a few more rounds until she finally realized I was going to make her an appointment...right now.

Success! Or so I thought...

When I started to offer her different dates and times to schedule the FIRST of the six weeks worth of appointments she couldn't make up her mind to save her life! She had different excuses and complaints and none of it made any sense, but, to be honest, at this point I'd given up trying to listen or understand her.

After another several painstaking minutes I was finally able strong arm her into making one appointment. ONE! That's it. That's all I could handle. I couldn't make it through six weeks of this! I let her know we would schedule the rest when she came in. She huffed and puffed a little, but agreed.

At the end of the conversation I am suppose to ask if there is anything else I can help her with, it's part of my job. I am a good employee, so I regrettably asked. She went on a rant about a doctor, that I have nothing to do with, who doesn't even work in my building, and her not getting her her pain medication from him. I am so thankful we don't have to deal with pain medication in physical therapy. (A lot of pain med patients are crazy about their pain meds). I kept trying to interrupt this lady to let her I have absolutely no pull when it comes to pain meds, but it's  probably five minutes before she takes a breath.

When I finally found my moment to interject I quickly said, "Sorry, you will have to talk to them about it. We will see you at your appointment. Have a great day. Goodbye."

And I hang up the phone quickly...before she could talk again.

Afterwards I vaguely remembered having a conversation with my cowered the other day. After she got off the phone with a patient she said, "that lady was so crazy I could only make one appointment for her!"

I turned to her and asked what  the name of that patient was and, sure enough, it was the same lady.

So it's not just me, this lady is crazy! 

Biffs And The Werepups

After yesterday's post, I think I'm feeling a lot better. I've laughed a lot more then I have in the last few weeks. One of the things I laughed at the most was this conversation on BIFFS:

Me: Mona can we get one of these?  

 www.werepups.com
(I HIGHLY recommend looking at this site. It's awesome!) 

Mona: I honestly don't know if those are cute or hideous lol

That makes me uncomfortable

But I think I also like them

But I don't really know

Me: So is that a yes?

Becky: I would have one lol

Mona: I...think... so

It might make me cry though

I have that strange sensation when I look at it. Like a "oh that's cute" then I cry

Becky: lol cry from the cuteness?

Mona: No

Becky: Do they speak?

Me: Becky! Do they speak?! They are babies! Of course they don't speak yet!

Becky: I don't know how fast werewolf puppies mature!

Me: Well there is a 10 month incubation period right now

and $650

Becky: Geesh

Me: You can get tiny ones for cheaper

But it's still a ten month wait

Becky: I would want a tiny one

Actually idk lol

Me: The tiny one fits in your and the big one sit in the crook of your arm

Becky: In my what??

Me: Don't tell me you've never heard "crook of your arm" before

Bend in your arm?

Mona: Lololol

Me: The crook of your arm or leg is the soft inside part where you bend your elbow or knee.

Becky: Nooo you said the tiny one fits in your...and didn't say anything after lol

Me: oh.

Sorry about that

Hand

The tiny one fits in your hand...

Becky: Much better lol

Me: lol

Mona: Wakward

Me: You thought the exact same thing Mona LaBlue!

Mona: You don’t know my life!

{I am secretly hoping Mona orders me one now for my birthday next year.}

Depression

There is so much I want to say. All the thoughts that have been running through my mind. But staring at this screen makes my mind go blank...

But I want to tell you, so I'm going to try.

I've been severely depressed. I've been locked away in my room for the last three days. It started off as anger over something stupid, then it turned to anger at the world, but then it quickly turned to scared, alone, and sobbing.

At one point I even looked at my wrists and thought "what if"...

...The strangest thing just happened. Just as I wrote that last line a lady walked up to my desk with tears in her eyes. I asked if I could help her and she said "No. My dog just passed away in the middle of the night. We've had him for 16 years. It just makes you think how important life is. Even with all it's trials and tribulations. Life is important." and then she turned and walked away.

What the heck was that! Here I am feeling all dark and depressed and trying to sort out my feelings and this shit happens?!?!

I was eventually going to write about life being important, but I think it would have just been me trying to convince myself and here this lady comes and throws it in my face!

Life is weird, but I'm starting to think it's a good kind of weird again.

Sharing a Bathroom

My alarm clock blares at 5:50 telling me it's time to get up and start my day. I give the clock a dirty look, because I hate waking up, and roll out of bed to go take my shower.

I go out to the hallway only to find the bathroom door shut...it's occupied. I take a shower at the same time every day this is usually not a problem. So I stop and stare at it for a minute trying to figure out what I should do. I'm not fully conscious in the morning, so it takes awhile for my brain to figure things out. That's why I try to do the same things EVERY morning, so I don't have to think about getting ready, it's a reflex.

I say to myself...okay, it's okay. I have plenty of time. I'll just wait until she's done.

And by waiting I mean sleeping. I go back to bed and set my alarm for another fifteen minutes. I never really fall back asleep because I'm paranoid I'll miss my alarm and be late for work, so I just lay there with my eyes closed, until my alarm goes off again.

I go out to the hallway and...the bathroom is still occupied.

I look at the time and my heart beats a little faster. Fifteen minutes until I HAVE to be out the door. My toothbrush is in there. I can't go to work without brushing my teeth.

Should I knock on the door? I hate when people knock on the door when I'm in the bathroom, but I need at least brush my teeth. Should I knock on the door? No. It's weird. I just can't do it.

Twenty-five years and I never realized how much of a problem I had with knocking on a bathroom door when someone is in there until now!

I decided I'm going to have to forgo showering, so I get dressed and try to do something with my hair.

By the time I'm about to leave, I hear the bathroom door open. I run out and see the hallway empty and the bathroom open!

Thank goodness I can brush my teeth!!

I brush quickly, throw on some deodorant, try not to be too disgusted with state of my hair and then run to leave for work so I'm not late.

Twice

This has happened twice this week!

The first time I thought it was one time deal, so I didn't say anything, but twice in one week?!? It's stressing me out! Something needs to be done. One of these days they are going to catch me on a day I can absolutely NOT go without a shower and then I'll be in trouble.

I know I need to say something, but I don't want to come off as a biatch who has to take her shower at 5:50 or else. You know what I mean?

So, I carefully drafted this message and sent it to my roommates:

Shower Schedule

Hey guys I haven't run into this before, but I normally take my shower around 5:50 during the week (I leave for work around 6:35). I don't mind taking it at a different time, but I need to know otherwise I can't get ready in the morning. If you need to take a shower around then just let me know the night before so we can coordinate. :)

I think it communicates I NEED to take my shower at 5:50, but in a "I'm cool and laid back" kinda way and not in a "I'm demanding bitchy" way. I think the smiley face at the end really seals the deal. Right? Well, either way it fixes the problem!  

(P.S. I really am okay with switching shower times, I just have to do the same time every day or I won't be able to morning) 

Gets My Goat

Mona: You doin okay?

Me: Me? Why?

Mona: Yeas. Idk you have seemed weird.

Me: How so?

Mona: Idkkkkkkkkkk. Just checking.

Me: I haven't really seen you at all. There is one thing that I've been really disturbed by...

Mona: Oh boy.

Me: Bee (a friend who I don’t really hang out with) almost barged into my room the other day! 

Mona: Lol! Oh no! I was wondering how you got down stairs. I didn't know they were coming over.

Me: Yeah. I was in my room cuz all of Candy’s people were there and and all of a sudden there's a knock on my bedroom door and someone asking if I'm decent. I jump up real quick and open the door and there is Bee. I didn't like it one bit.

Mona: I can't imagine you would lol do you feel unsafe now?

Me: Yes. I need a padlock.

Mona: And an invisible cloak to go over the door!

Me: Oh! that would be nice. Kinda like a secret room that no one knows is there. Or I could get one of those “KEEP OUT DANGER” signs you see on all the teenagers' doors in the movies.

This is just one of those things that really gets my goat! I haven't needed a sign before normally people just know not to bother me when I'm in my room. It's my place to be alone. My asylum. 

You don't want to mess with that. I'm serious. Don't mess with that. 

I know it's stupid and trivial and not really that big of a deal and I try really really hard not to let it bother me, but look it's days later and I'm still talking about it! It obviously bothers me a lot more than I'd like. 

I guess I'll just have to go with the invisibility cloak.

Do You Have What It Takes To Be A Pimp?

Apparently I would make an excellent pimp.

My roommates and I were sitting around the table making Wiskey and Brandy Old Fashioneds to see if we liked them, when all of sudden the topic of pole dancing and pimps came up. (I don't even remember how or why, so don't ask me) We are all laughing and joking when suddenly C stops the conversation "WAIT!" and points at me with a straight face and very seriously says, "Luna, you would make a great pimp! You are so organized!" The room went real quiet for a minute as we stared at her and then we burst out laughing as C tried desperately to argue the seriousness of her point.

Then, a few days later we are sitting in the living room when Mona comes running down the stairs. "C?! What is this video on your Snapchat Story!?!?"

"What video?" C asks.

Mona holds out her phone and shows us all the video. It's C sitting with her friends having a very serious conversation about how I would make an excellent pimp because I'm so organized. She just can't stop talking about me being a pimp.

First of all, thank you. As I look around at my mess I seriously doubt my organization skills, but I must be doing something right to trick you into believing this.

Second, I didn't realize organization was a major pimp requirement, but now that you say it it makes sense.

Third, I think you talking about me being a great pimp over and over implies that you are asking me to be your pimp. Are you in some kind of trouble? Do you need help? 

Fourth, Mom, I think I might be changing my life plan.

Who Am I?

A new friend of ours, Pearl, was talking to Mona the other day about all of our friends and her first impressions of them. Apparently Pearl can't figure me out, she thinks she has me pegged and then I throw her off. The ultimate mystery woman, or so I like to think. Mona tried her best to explain me in words, but she couldn't, so she ended up telling her I'm like "an alien", I'm just a little different than the rest of human kind.

I find this both confusing and fascinating.

It's a strange concept, people knowing who we really are. I mean most of the time I don't really know me. I surprise and confuse myself on a daily bases. So if I can't do it how are other people suppose to figure me out?

And it's different here, in the blogging world, because a lot of you only know me for my brain. You only know the thoughts and feelings and stories I choose to share with you. This part is only one side of me. So, for those who don't know me, let me tell you right now...I'm way more awkward in person.

I can't tell you exactly what I'm like and how people perceive me because I'm on the inside looking out, butI think I'm way different in my head than I come across to most people.

In my head I'm smart and funny and confidant. An independent logical and free thinker. I am slightly socially awkward. I'm focused and disorganized. I'm adventurous and easy going and sarcastic. I'm an absentminded daydreamer with a great imagination. I'm a realist who knows that people can be really creepy and evil and yet know there is still hope for humanity and I always expect the best out of people. I both like and dislike everyone simultaneously. I don't were my emotions on my sleeve and most of the time they confuse the hell out of me, so I pretend they aren't there and my brain convinces me this is emotionally healthy.

Growing up my mother always told me I was like a princess (I don't actually remember her using the word "princess", but I'm going with it) trapped in a tower with walls that I built and than put a moat around. She was constantly trying to get me to "knock down my walls".

In fact, when I was younger, the only way I would communicate with my mom about feelings and stuff (before texting and Facebook) was through a journal we kept and passed back and forth to each other. Oh gosh. I am weird. Let's phrase this as..I'm a much better writer than I am a talker. Not weird at all! Right?

Anyways, I see myself as all of these things, but I'm almost a hundred percent certain that is not how most people see me. I'm a relatively quiet person. A lot of people mistake that for shy, or stuck up, or serious, which maybe I am more than I think. Who really knows? I'm not even sure if people really like me or not.

And for those who don't know me in person, don't let my written words fool you. You could still hate me in real life.

This Might Be My Introvert Speaking

Sometimes I just don't like people. 

It's not that they've done anything utterly terrible. They haven't made me cry or made me mad. They haven't necessarily done something stupid. It isn't one person in particular.

People are just overwhelming. As a whole. 

This might be my introvert speaking but sometimes I like to lock myself in my bedroom, close my room-darkening drapes, and pretend the rest of the world doesn't exist.

It's my happy place.

This sounds bad because people generally don't like to hear that you need a break from people. They often take it as a personal offence, but it's not at all! I like you just fine. I just need a break from the sheer amount of Homo Sapiens that I encounter on a daily bases.

Everyone is so complex and different and interesting that sometimes it's utterly devastating.

I promise if you let me be I'll be happier and more well-disposed.

Recharged and ready to go.

 I'll be ready to face the world...tomorrow.

Stuff Got Weird

Last night my friends and I passed around a pair of reading glasses and pretended to be grandmothers telling ‘back in the day’ stories. Each of our seemingly different stories intertwined into a tangled web of craziness. Stuff got weird real quick.

We had unknown pregnancies, white on white racism, the KKK who were also moonshiners, a gender neutral Aunt Petri who may have been two different people or schizophrenic, a Russian assassin couple who pretended to be cougars to steal a dog, and sexually confused Lewis and Clark and Sacagawea…just to name a few.

Some roll play with Dungeons & Dragons, but this is how we roll. 

Also we did this for over two hours and took it way too seriously. We really committed to our roles (minus the part where we were laughing hysterically).

Now I Know I'm Not Pregnant

It's been about 6-10 months since I've had my last period. I was slightly afraid of ending up on the show I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant, but unless it was some sort of immaculate conception it wasn't really that huge of a concern for me.

Other people have been concerned, so I decided to let them know the terrible news (terrible because what woman really wants her period)

Me: I know why I've been so cranky these last few days. Doris finally decided to show up! (If you don't know what Doris is, read this post) 
Mona: Luna! ! I have been wondering! Can she actually stay away for longer?

Me: Are you saying I've been cranky these last few days!?

Mona: I am saying... YES. Yes. yessssss. yes you have

Me: I feel like I've hardly talked to you!

Mona: because any time I try you shut me down with a hurtful comment

Me: What kinds of hurtful comments? I can't even remember talking to you at all the last two days. I want to know what I said to hurt your feelings

Mona: It was just short comments that hurt my feelings

Becky: Its a trap don't talk about it while Doris is still here Mona

Mona: That is true Becky…
...LUNA, WhAaaaaaaT? You have Doris? I would have never known! You have been so sweeeeeet!

Becky: Gooood Mona gooood

Me: You better tell me what I said right now.

Becky: Yep that's Doris alright.

Mona: I don't remember. I just remember saying to my self  "ew, don't talk to her" and I have told you...."Oh, maybe you should go to bed"

Me: Well those are very hurtful things to think and say about me.

Mona: You just playinn

Me: I am drowning in my tears

Mona obviously cares nothing for my emotional well being. On top of loss of my slight hope of being pregnant, she is also trying to avoid me.